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May 22, 2011

Letters

Dear Blurb and Groupon,

I love you both, especially when you work together.  This week I finished and ordered two 150+ page books--one for Tyler and one for Lexi.  I wish I had the time, resources, and financial means to re-do all of my kids' scrapbooks using the Blurb service, and that I could pluck a Blurb Groupon out of thin air whenever I wanted to save money on printing fees.

Since my body doesn't like to move and I have to be satisfied with a sedentary lifestyle, I appreciate you for making me feel productive.

Love,

A faithful customer
...

Dear glorious spring weather,

I am beyond thrilled that you finally showed up.  Ah....it is so lovely to enjoy your sunshine, warm air, and cool breezes.  And tonight, when I picked up Saturday's mail, the distinct smell of a summer thunderstorm was in the air.  That made me very happy indeed.

Too bad my lawn looks so horrendous.  How did my yard become the sore spot of the neighborhood?  I promise I'm calling a sprinkler repair service in the morning.

Sincerely,

A lover of four seasons
...

Dear piano,

How do you feel about having some company?  I plan to renew my relationship with you this summer, and also plan to introduce you to two of my children.  One is excited about piano lessons and one is NOT.  But I trust you'll do your part to win both of their hearts.

Sorry about the pencil, papers, toy car, and harmonica that the tuner found inside you recently.  I'm sure they've been bugging you.  That harmonica has been missing since Christmas.

Sheepishly,

Your owner
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Dear neighbor child,

I'm really trying to love you, even though you teach my children naughty things, love secrets and other exclusive behavior, pick on Tyler, and spend way too much time at my house.  I realize that with summer coming, we need to reach an understanding.  How about you stop teaching Gavin to say inappropriate things about my anatomy and I'll give you popsicles?  Deal?

Miss Heidi
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Dear handyman husband,

I sure love the old bookshelf you are refurbishing.  Its cheapness and flimsiness is going to be a thing of the past with all the bead board and trim you are adding.  Thank you for staying home from work on Saturday morning to make progress on it.  I can't wait for the finished shelf to live in the basement -- but mostly I can't wait for your enormous project at Wells Fargo to be done so you can come home before 1:00 a.m. again.  Thanks for working so hard for us.

Love,

Your wife
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Dear stomach flu,

You have hit poor Lexi twice in four days and also claimed Zachary and I as victims this week.  You have afflicted us long enough.  Good-bye and good riddance.

Your unwitting hosts
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Dear Sabbath Day,

What with all the puke and the laundry, our family didn't do a good job of observing you today.  Hopefully next week will be better.

Sinners
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Dear summer break,

I have been dreading you for a full five months.  Now you are almost here.  Some days I think that I will be able to rise to the challenge of entertaining, educating, and directing my kids all day, every day, despite my limited mental stamina and pressing pregnancy issues.  Other days I'm pretty sure I'll be in a mental asylum by the end of the first week and/or the baby will be born in June.

At least our house is not on the market this year.  I'm pretty sure nothing is harder than that.

With guarded optimism,

The Mom
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