Caption Contest

I'm feeling really funky tonight, so I'm sharing the hilarious photo I took this morning.
I walked into the bathroom and found this glorious display.
The photo needs a caption, and you need to write it because I could really use a laugh.
Ready. Set. Go.

Closed captions

I have noticed a few humorous things around here lately.

What follows is a collection of random things at my house and my related musings.

Perhaps Brooke is responsible for all the crumbs in my bed.

The world is Kate's canvas.

Good moms make cookies for an after-school snack.
Great moms save some for the kids.

Tutus go with everything.

There's no place like home.

Who needs a code-compliant dryer vent when a nylon sock is available?

Part of his career training included the skills of speed and efficiency.

A place for everything and everything in its place.

The Wicked Witch of the West must have been playing tennis here.

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Have you seen anything interesting at your house lately?

Gavin answers some questions

Last night Tyler pulled out some Table Topics (family version) cards and started quizzing Gavin.  His first answer was so startling that I started recording the conversation.

What is the first thing you would do as the President of the United States? Share the gospel.

If you could be any animal, what would you be? A cheetah, 'cause I could run so fast!

What do you do to keep going when you want to quit?  Get more muscles when I'm playing sports.

Would you rather have no rules, or the rules you already have?  I think the rules we have now, so we could be safe.

What's the hardest thing you've ever done?  Try to keep my legs apart when I was climbing up the slide.

What takes a lot of courage?  Nephi did some courage.  He has a lot of courage.

Would you rather be a rich movie star or a not-so-rich scientist who cures cancer?  The not-so-rich one, so I could help people and be a really helpful guy, to be good.

What family/school rule would you most like to change?  That, um, hmm...that when we go in and out so many times when it's raining, we can't come back in.  I would change that rule, so we could stay out longer!

If you could compete in any Olympic sport, what would it be? I would be the "sneaky cheetahs" so you can sneak behind people, then run at them and jump over them, and then the people would say, "Hey," and then you would shoot baskets over them.

What one thing would you like to know about the future?  I don't know what color it is, or what it looks like.  Do you know what the future is? No.

What is your favorite place to go around town?  I would take them back, where they was.

What personality trait has gotten you in the most trouble?  Not doing much work.

How are you like Mom?  I have the same color of skin.  How are you like Dad? Because I have blue eyes, and because I have the same color of skin.

Would you go to space if you could?  You mean if I wanted to and I didn't even ask?

In what ways are you nice? You mean how do I get nice?  Just because I have good feelings and I don't hurt others and I love them.  Everybody loves this family.

Which wild animal would you like to keep as a pet?  An elephant, because I could ride on it.

What's your favorite thing to do at recess?  Run and jump on the trampoline...if it was there.

How old should you be before you watch a PG-13 movie?  Thirteen, I guess. I've watched PG-5.

What are some good things and bad things about a new baby?  The bad one is the baby could run around and go downstairs on its tummy.  The good one is the mom could put it in its crib and it could take a nap.

What makes something art?  Paint.

What's the best junk food ever created?  Broccoli slide.  It's like broccoli shaped like a slide!

funnies

Sometimes life just makes me laugh.

Gavin has taught himself to "whistle."  He purses his lips and blows some air, but not one bit of music comes out. Gavin is oblivious to this little detail, and asks us to listen to various whistling tunes.  I don't recognize any of them unless he tells me in advance.  Gavin has also declared that he has two favorite songs: "Jumbo Elephant" (a sweet song my grandma taught me when I was little) and "Marry You" by Bruno Mars.

Another funny: kids digging up a pair of Lexi's shoes in the back yard sand pit.  Tyler and a buddy unearthed them on Saturday.  They've been missing since last summer (the shoes, not the kids).  I wonder if the sand pit also swallowed Lexi's darling-but-AWOL cowgirl boots.

We found these foam pieces (road segments, if you can't tell) arranged in an interesting way on the shower wall. The artist: Tyler.

As you know, Zach joined the middle school band (so far just on paper).  He has to have a set of bells (not the kind you ring, as I have learned), and renting the bells kit for 10 months is 20 bucks less than buying a kit, so we bought one.  It was due to arrive on Friday, and when a big box appeared on our front porch (thank you, Mr. UPS), we carefully brought it inside.  Zach was all anticipation as he opened the box, until he saw that it was full of two giant boxes of size 4 Luvs diapers.  The bells came the next day.

The Littles talked me into making cupcakes with blue frosting.  They talk me into a lot of stuff.  Anyway, Kate got to lick the bowl for the first time.  I think she just wanted a bath.

Next we have an embarrassing moment for me.  Last night while I was vacuuming the basement and mentally moving on to my next task of making cupcake paper garlands for Lexi's birthday party, a friend sent me a text asking if I was coming to book club.  As I stood there, sweating in my grubby clothes and being annoyed with myself for not brushing my teeth since breakfast, I realized that I was 30 minutes late to the book club meeting where I was the discussion leader for a book I didn't finish because I thought it was boring. Oops!  So I high-tailed it over to Panera and spent the next two hours chatting with good friends.  We got kicked out 40 minutes after closing, and then I got kicked out of Target at 10:07.

At a court of honor the other night, I had my phone out to take pictures for the ward newsletter.  Lexi commandeered it and took no fewer than 17 shots of her beloved (and exceptionally ragged) dog, Betsy, who of course had to support the scouts.

During dinner one night we had a funny discussion.  One of Tyler's comments made me talk about myself as a child.  I shared some stories about playing dumb when I knew all the answers, mostly to get attention and be obnoxious.  Apparently Tyler could relate to this practice, and confessed that his friends refer to him as a human dictionary.  And then to me Gavin said, "I'm not pretending to be dumb like you."

Another night we sat around the dinner table and tried to make Kate demonstrate her ever-growing vocabulary.  Sometimes we know exactly what she's saying; others, not so much.  This night she kept exclaiming, "hodor!"  We didn't get it.  Gavin asked if I wrote that one down (I was taking notes).  I told him I didn't know what she was saying.  Exasperated, he said, "It means hitting your door with a hoe!"

Also, Kate likes mascara.

 Zach needs new socks.  That doesn't stop him from Ripstik-ing in the rain.

Lastly, I share a photo of a silly girl.  Our young women activity for the week was girls camp certification.  Our ward's youth camp leaders helped us start a fire (in a pit), cook with a Dutch oven, and tie knots, among other things.  Despite the date of MAY SEVENTH, it was cold and windy.  I had neglected my duty to tell the girls to wear warm clothes, so a few of my Beehives showed up in capris and sandals and were freezing.  This silly girl resorted to wearing a size 5T coat that was in a leader's car. 

Life's always good for a laugh, right?

My children are amusing

I'm not generally an optimist (people who know me are snorting at the "generally"),

but sometimes I'm happy enough to see ridiculous things

and photograph them.

Here's a sampling from the last few days.

This one is actually gross.

I bent down to clean the bottom of the table leg

and found a smorgasbord of old food stuffed under the table.

N-A-S-T-Y

I haven't been able to convince myself to touch it.

I might need a HAZMAT suit.

Kate loves to "help" with laundry.

While I was folding four neglected loads of the stuff,

she pulled out all the girly shirts and wiggled into them

until they hung around her waist.

The mom in me cringed at the stretched shirt necks,

but guess what?

It entertained her while I folded.

At highest count, she was wearing 11 shirts.

(I don't do laundry very often, can you tell?)

I loved Zach's personal chore chart on Monday.

Being awesome should be an aspiration for most people, I think.

This is our thermostat.

No wonder I was so cold on Monday.

Good grief.

Kate found a box of Sharpies on the table.

[Totally my fault.]

She had quite the masterpiece to show off at church.

Our little monkey did a number on the dishwasher.

Everything from the top rack ended up in the bottom of the machine,

and she just shoved off the bottom rack.

I didn't feel like emptying it,

so I put the bottom rack on the counter

and closed the door.

Should I buy these glasses?

Are flattering self-portraits possible?

Why do I look like such an old lady?

Am I in a contest for the longest/most ridiculous roots on the planet?

(I have a hair appointment next Tuesday.)

Dear Zach:

I'm sick of cleaning your clean clothes.

Do it yourself.

Love--Mom

Reader's Theater

Tonight after dinner Garry read two stories to the girls.  I was sitting on the other end of the couch, and when he started the first book by bursting into song, I recorded him on the sly.  His rendition of If You Give a Pig a Pancake was hysterical.  Then he launched into If You Take a Mouse to School, and ad-libbed a story about Zach.  Hopefully you can hear him over my laughter.  At the very end, Zach walked into the living room and said, "Was that a story about me?"  Gavin had a choice interjection, too.  My sides hurt from laughing so much.

Garry is such a good Daddy.

Cell phone stories PLUS

Here's the latest.

Family Home Evening (that's a chef's hat atop a sleeping Daddy):

A view of the neighbor's yard a few hours before a blizzard:

Grocery shopping with the Littles:

Annoying stuff with pillows and blankets (that's my closet):

Making copies at the church while two young women worked on a bulletin board:

My bed at 10:00 p.m. on laundry day:

BONUS from Gavin...

During Kate's nap:

Gavin: Can you wash this hoodie?

Heidi: Wanna help me with laundry?

Gavin: Yes!  Wait, there's my bike!

Heidi: If you put on a coat and gloves, a bike ride would be fantastic.

Gavin: Nah, doing laundry sounds way more fun than riding a bike in the cold.

...

Heidi: OK, just close the door and then you can turn on the washer.

Gavin: Like this?

Heidi: Yep, now hit the power button.

Gavin: Don't you mean the play button?

Facebook-isms

I haven't trafficked Facebook (or anything online) as much as usual in recent weeks, but I have come across a few gems that either apply to my life and/or made me laugh out. Hopefully having them all in one place will make me laugh again someday. Or sooner would be fine.

Haha.