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May 29, 2011

Amusing anecdotes

Tonight Tyler was rooting around in the hall closet for cotton balls, which Garry needed for our Family Home Evening lesson.  I explained where to find them, and that he'd need to move a few of the labeled plastic bins in order to reach what he needed.  Tyler ignored my advice, and in his shuffling, knocked several cans of hair mousse off the shelf.  One can became punctured and started spraying all over the place with a loud hissing sound.  Tyler yelled out a rather alarmed, "MOM!"  I was sitting in the room across the hall and could see what was happening.  He was pretty traumatized until I started laughing.  The can is currently emptying itself in the bathroom sink.

...

I have developed a painful kink in my lower back that is exacerbated by physical activity.  I know it will flare when I take the stairs, vacuum, sweep, mop, bend, lift, or sit on a hard surface, but sometimes it chooses to appear at random times.  Last night I was folding laundry and suddenly cried out in pain.  The shooting pain took my breath away and I crumbled to the floor.  Once in the fetal position it went away and I started laughing at my pathetic state.  Tyler happened upon me and clearly couldn't tell if I was laughing or crying.  I explained what was happening, and he mused, "I don't understand why your back hurts when it's your front that's getting so fat."

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In a related scene, Garry took the mop from me while I was trying to clean the floor.  He was attempting to save my back, but I objected since he had been throwing up the night before.  He simply said, "If I barf, I'll mop it up."  How tragic are we?

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While Garry was helping Zach with the dishes the other night, Zach noticed the pile of tulip bulbs we had dug from the ground and split that afternoon.  That sparked a funny conversation.

Zach: "Those kind of look like food!"
Garry :"You may not realize this, but a significant portion of the food you eat grows out of the ground just like those tulips."
Zach: "It does? GROSS!!"

Zach was horrified as Garry explained which common household foods grow on plants in or near the dirt, and then resolved to never eat something that had touched dirt.

Zach:  Well, mac and cheese doesn't grow out of the ground, does it?
Garry: No...but the wheat that makes the noodles does.
Zach: Gross!  I'm not eating mac and cheese any more.
[pause]
Zach: Wait!  What is flour made out of?
Garry: Wheat!
Zach: Gross!  Now I can't eat burritos or tortillas now either?  How about beans?
[Garry pauses, unsure of exactly where/how pinto beans grow.]
Zach [grinning hugely]: Chocolate!  What is chocolate made of?
Garry: From the bean of the cacao tree, which produces pods with seeds called cocoa beans.
Zach: So the beans are in a pod, way up in the air, away from the dirt?
Garry: There might be other ingredients in chocolate that are grown in the ground.
Zach: Hmph.  But I thought chocolate was just made from mushed up cocoa beans and sugar.
Garry [laughing]: Where do you think sugar grows?
Zach [moaning in frustration]: I'm never eating any of that stuff again!
Garry: [explanation of washing and sanitation of food prior to it landing in our kitchen]
Zach: I'm not eating any more DIRT!
Garry: You can't be so picky.  Almost all of what you eat either grows out of the ground or is some animal chopped up into bits.  You can't survive on what doesn't fit into those two categories.
Zach: I'm also boycotting canned foods.
Garry: What?  Why?
Zach: I was listening to the radio and heard someone talking about how there are all kinds of gross things in canned food, like fly eggs and bugs and stuff.
Garry: You can't be so paranoid.  By the way, how old are you?
Zach: Nine.
Garry:  Do you ever remember being sick because of something you have eaten?
Zach: Yes!  That's why I get sick sometimes!  It must be fly eggs or dirt or something gross like that!
Garry: The reason you get sick after eating sometimes is that you either eat way too much or just too many sweets.
[Silent pondering]
Zach: Where does paper come from?
Garry: Trees.  Basically peper is like a very, very thin board.  It's really just like wood.
Zach [moaning]: Ohhhhh......I have trees in my stomach!

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While at Tyler's baseball practice the other night, Gavin was in park heaven.  He ran around the playground, barefoot, enjoying every minute of freedom.  At one point he made a friend in a little girl, probably five years old, who was riding her bike on the path around the baseball fields.  Gavin didn't have a bike but clearly wished he could ride hers.  The next best thing was running next to her while she rode.  And so, without shoes, Gavin completed three full laps around the park next to the girl on the bike.  The girl's grandma couldn't believe his energy.  It's true; Gavin is like one of those cartoon characters who just lean forward and their legs are a blur of motion while they zip around the world.

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With all the puking going around our house (dare I say we might be done?), Gavin said: "So what's puke all about?"  I hope he doesn't have to find out; he's the only family member who avoided this bug!

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Gavin and Lexi found a sales receipt in the kitchen.  I caught them drawing silly faces on the back with a marker "like they do at Costco."  Darling as they were, I still confiscated the marker.
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