22 photos on the 22nd

I'm long on pictures and short on words, and as such I present: 22 photos on February 22nd.

Our Valentine's Day Feast.

Pretty in pink before a preschool party.

"You make my heart glow" Valentines.

Zach asleep on the couch (inaugurating the sleepy teen years?).

Lexi asleep on the floor during dinner (renewing the sleepy preschooler years?).

Gavin and Lexi asleep in their "nest" on my bedroom floor during Tyler's birthday party.

Kate asleep in the van (I hid in there with her for awhile).

I have a love/hate relationship with TV.  This is the "love" part.

I took this picture for our new time capsule. Let us remember the anomaly of Zach's clean bedroom.

Grocery receipt.  Gavin guessed our bill would be $108.07.

Laundry mishap.  Waa.

Zach's Court of Honor bling: Second Class and First Class ranks; Fingerprinting and Citizenship in the Community merit badges.

Ugliest double pie crust ever.  Haha.

I was part of a digital use study last fall and now the researchers are talking about me in webinars, apparently because I blog when I'm emotional.  Ha.

I'm selling a jacket. Ten bucks.  Anyone?

Ice cream with Valentine's Day gift cards. #dessertonmark

A blizzard-ish night when I took an hour-long walk outside (crazy? yes).

Beauty Salon by Gavin and Lexi.

1996 Mesa High yearbook snapshot.  Memories!

Last Friday's view from the treadmill.

Apparently my get-ready-in-20-minutes routine doesn't include enough foot lotion.

The end.

Five-year flashback

Today we opened a family time capsule that we created in January 2009.  What a treasure!

Five years ago:

* We had lived here for seven months

* We had three boys with a girl on the way

* Zach was in 1st grade and Tyler in preschool

* Gavin was 14 months old

* We were in the Briargate Ward

* I was the ward activity chair person and Garry the ward clerk over the website

* We had the same house and cars

* Every room in the house was arranged differently

* Zach had a nasty Strep A infection in his toe

* I weighed five pounds less than I do now, and I was 5 months pregnant (sad!)

* I had been blogging for one year

* Barack Obama had just been inaugurated as President for his first term

* Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were the hottest couple in Hollywood

Here are just a few of the relics from our time capsule.  Lexi was very upset that nothing but a pregnancy photo represented her.  Tyler was sad that his soccer trophy was broken.  The rest of the box was highly entertaining.  We especially enjoyed all of the surveys that each person had filled out, and also the hand and foot prints we made out of construction paper.

In 2014 our lives are quite different, but also very much the same.  We plan to make a new time capsule over the next week or two, with items that will give a snapshot of our current life. We will include some of the treasures from the box we just opened, so we can have a ten-year comparison next time.  In five years Zach will be a senior in high school and Kate will be seven. It's hard to imagine how our lives are going to change between now and then!

What I Did Right

When I look back at 2013, my natural instinct is to see all the ways I fell short.  I didn't do this and I meant to do that and I was a total failure in these 500 ways.  This is my knee-jerk life view: the glass is mostly empty, and I am just not good enough.

I was thinking about this as I vacuumed the floor at about 10:00 p.m. on Christmas Eve.  We had just watched a "family classic" Christmas movie that turned out to be really inappropriate, despite its PG rating, and I felt it had ruined the spirit of the evening.  I was mad at myself for sharing with the family a movie I had not screened, and then not turning it off when it wasn't a good thing to watch.  I was negligent in the first place and then a poor example to my kids.  Lame, lame, lame, lame.

But then a voice came into my head: It's OK. You haven't ruined your kids' lives.  You didn't even ruin the evening. They loved dinner and they loved the pillowcases you made for them, and they loved that you shared your precious Candy Cane Oreos with them, and they loved the Christmas songs you sang as you tucked them into bed.  I realized that despite my mistakes, I had also made some great choices, both that night and throughout the year.  I had done some things right.

With this perspective, I look back on this year and offer a list of 13 Things I Did Right in 2013.  It was really hard for me to come up with this list, but here it is for all the world my blog readers to see.  I know that in the future I will need a reminder of my successes this year.  So, in no particular order....

1. I completed (or will, in the next few days), a daily journal. I only wrote a sentence or two each day, but I already treasure the snapshot of my life.  I'm look forward to daily entries for the next four years, all in the same book.

2. I shared my love of the LDS Church with friends.  My testimony of Jesus Christ is something near and dear to me, and I always love the chance to share the joy I feel in the gospel.

3. I tried my best to be a good Young Women leader.  Despite some difficult setbacks in my own life, I think I was always "there" for my girls and my fellow leaders.  I learned a lot as a teacher and made some treasured friends.  I look back fondly on my year of service in that organization, and I miss my girls.

4. I advocated for myself in a number of ways.  It's so easy for me to just do what people tell me, especially medical professionals and people at church, but I am learning to set boundaries and be brave enough to quit or change something that just isn't working for me.  That's a skill set I hope to keep developing.

5.  I blogged a LOT.  I'm happy that I am keeping a good record of our family life, both the good and the not-so-good. I love the therapy that blogging gives me and the validation I get from all of you that I'm not alone in this crazy world.  And it helps me find humor in everyday situations.

6.  I nurtured my marriage.  Garry and I have been on more dates this year and attended the temple together more often than in years past, and finally took a trip together.  I tried to connect with him more and put his needs first.  I'm certainly not great at any of this, but effort counts for something.

7. I tried to make new friends.  Is it normal for this to be hard for someone my age?  Well, it is for me, but I worked on it a lot, and I am pleased to report some improvements.  I learned that friendships come and go, that some people just don't fit well together, and that it's usually not personal when someone else just walks away.

8. I wrote a song and arranged a couple of others.  I like experimenting with this new, creative part of my mind.

9. I completed full 72-hour kits for each member of my family.  It's time to update them again, but still...

10.  I did fun things for holidays and birthdays with my kids. I often refer to this as earning "cool mom points," but really it's more about making happy memories together.

11. I spent some of my time serving others, which is and always will be one of my favorite things.  I plan to make a tradition of doing random acts of kindness on my birthday.

12. I realized that my limitations don't have to define me.  I recently learned that someone I love has a heartache I know all too well.  I look at her and see how fantastic she is and all that she can be and do, despite her struggles.  That made me realize that when people say positive and encouraging things about me, they are true.

13. I read The Book of Mormon twice.  I listened to dozens of sessions of General Conference while I worked out at the Y. Feeding my soul with the good word of God is one of my top priorities, so it definitely needs to make this list.

...

In my favorite Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, Calvin complains to his father about being cold in the house one winter.  His dad explains the cost of running the furnace, which Calvin thoughtfully considers and accepts.  Then, as Calvin walks away, his father says, "...and being cold builds character."  Ha!  Of course there is always an uncomfortable lesson in every cold part of our lives.

I'd be mixing my metaphors to talk about under-performing furnaces and half-empty glasses, so I'll just end with this: Here's to a warm and full 2014!  

Oh, Kate...

"Don't look at me, Mommy."

This is what she says as she stands naked behind me, covering her privates with one hand and her eyes with the other.

This is what she says several times a day after she takes off her poopy diaper somewhere in the house and attempts to clean up the mess.

This is what she says after she raids the purple nail polish for the umpeenth time and drips it across the wood floor, the granite counter tops, her back, and her face.

This is what she says after she drenches herself with milk, thus soiling the fourth outfit of the day.

This is what she says after "nap" time, during which she empties all of her drawers and her toys, then pushes her mattress to the floor and strips it of sheets.  And then strips off her clothing, just because.

And this, my friends, is what Hurrican Kate looks like, in a frog costume, approximately three seconds after we start driving.  Being two must be utterly exhausting for this child.

I definitely yelled a few times today, and she definitely spent more than a few minutes in time-out today.  But there were also many moments today when I reflected on the nightmare that was my pregnancy with her, and then remembered what a gift of a child she is.  How lucky I am that we have this time together after such a treacherous beginning.  So then I look at her in her various disheveled states, and then hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her.

And then I get her dressed.  Again.

Full circle

Once upon a time, in the year 1998, Garry and I bought our first couch.  A year later, when the matching love seat and side chair were on clearance, we completed the set.  Those couches served us well for 14 years.  (Here is a couch picture from when Zach was a baby.)

Then, for my birthday last year, I wanted a couch (well, that's way too much for a birthday present, but I thought we should get a couch and call it that).  In response to my request, Garry decided to build a sectional.  It was an epic project.  He did the construction and I did the upholstering.  It took months to make. The couch was finished almost exactly one year ago.

Sadly, the project didn't turn out as planned.  A few design flaws and other things that made the couch less than ideal for a family sofa.  But having spent all that time and money on it, we had to use it.  And used it we have.  The kids love to play hide and seek in the storage compartments.  They love to eat on it (though they are forbidden to do so), and there are plenty of stains to prove it.  They don't seem to object to any aspect of the couch, but I find it so uncomfortable that I rarely spend time watching TV or doing anything else in the basement.

Also last summer, just before the sectional was completed, the Waldo Canyon Fire destroyed hundreds of homes in our area.  The parents of a ward member lost their home, and we gave our couches to them.

The timing was perfect for us, since we needed to make room for the sectional.  A few weeks ago we learned that that family had finished rebuilding and didn't want our old couches anymore, so they offered to return them.  Ha!  We accepted, and the orange couch was on its way out.  The blue couches are serving our family once more, although the matching love seat went to a family who lost their home in the Black Forest fire this summer.

Today we had a garage sale, and the orange couch was center stage. Although we don't have a buyer yet, several people have expressed interest.  It is listed for sale online.  If it doesn't sell in a few days, we will donate it to Goodwill. We have made peace with the sad outcome of Garry's construction project, and now it is time to move on. Farewell, orange couch, farewell. 

P.S. We finally received our red couch (for the upstairs living room) a couple of weeks ago. That's my birthday present for this year.  I absolutely love it!

Great expectations

Last year on my birthday, I attended BYU Women's Conference with a Presenter name tag around my neck. That whole experience was pretty surreal, but I have marked its milestones--receiving the invitation, attending the orientation, writing the talk, flying to Utah, and speaking at the conference--over the last few months and weeks.  Today marks the beginning of another Women's Conference, and this time, I'm not there.  

At 11:00 this morning, as the first break-out session of Women's Conference began in Provo, I sat in an elementary school gymnasium, watching the Littles play with hula hoops and basketballs while the Bigs took their end-of-year literacy tests.  Instead of standing at a podium with trembling knees and voice, I listened to one mother crowing about her upcoming adoption (a Chinese albino girl who is completely adorable) and another discussing her latest read.  

A year ago, I celebrated my birthday in what felt like a very significant way.  But I was incessantly nauseated, in lots of physical pain, and so worried about the health of my unborn baby.  Today, that little baby is pulling on my computer's power cord and mastering her forward crawl in pursuit of the garbage can under my desk.  

I haven't been very excited for my birthday to roll around, but I'll turn 33 on Saturday whether I like it or not.  It's not the aging that upsets me.  Getting older is what it is.  I think some pesky expectations are bothering me.  Last year at this time, I spent a lot of time thinking about what life would be like today.  I imagined my healthy, happy baby--and she has certainly lived up to my greatest dreams.  But I also had great expectations for my own health and happiness, both of which are floundering right now.  I thought I'd have my body back by now.  I thought I'd have my life back.  I thought I would have rejoined society and reclaimed my personality and overcome all of the obstacles that pregnancy put in my path.  None of that has really happened, and I'm frustrated.

When I think about my Women's Conference assignment, I think about how significant it made me feel.  I never set out to do anything flashy or of great acclaim in my life.  I have always been quite content with my small and simple existence, my happy family, my little church calling, and a quiet spot on the back row. And I still am.  But somehow, this year, I feel less important than I did last year.  Less visible.  Less needed.  Less capable.  Just....less.  My birthday is always a time of reflection, and this year, I don't love what I see in the mirror.  Last year I had dreams of "fulfilling my life mission" and "blessing more people than ever."  What the heck does that mean?

Since I really have no idea, I got a haircut today.  I always think that getting a haircut will change my life.  (Hint: It never does, but I'm going to keep trying.)  I have decided that even though my jeans still don't fit and I will probably feel like barfing, at least I'll have great hair for the Pinewood Derby, which is my plan for a birthday celebration.  Stay tuned...the boys have some wicked-awesome cars and I promise to post pictures.  They are a lot more fun than birthday candles this year!

The next ten years

I tend to be pretty nostalgic on New Year's Eve as I contemplate the closing year and the new one opening before me.  This particular Eve is especially full of memories, since ten years ago today, Garry and I started our post-college life in a little apartment in Beaverton, Oregon.  We moved in at the end one of the wettest Decembers on record with a two-month-old baby, two degrees but no job for Garry, and not a friend in the state.  The next week, The Bartle Bulletin, then a weekly email newsletter designed to keep in touch with faraway friends and family, was born.

I always make New Year's resolutions, and this year will be no different.  Although I try to focus on improving the here and now, my recollections about the past make me think a little further into my future than the next 12 months.  As I consider all of the marvelous things that began in January 2002--parenthood, Garry's career, the beautiful Oregon segment of our life, and a detailed family history, to name a few--I can't help but wonder what the next ten years will hold.

This New Year definitely feels like turning the page into a new chapter of my family's life.

Full circle

Once upon a time, when I was in high school, I was employed as a balloon artist.  It was the most lucrative of my three jobs (I also taught piano lessons and cleaned and ironed for a lady in my neighborhood) and certainly the most entertaining.  

Back then I was super outgoing and loved the social aspect of the balloon job.  I really enjoyed talking to families at tables as they waited for their food to arrive.  I loved interacting with the kids, and especially seeing their reactions to the simple balloon creations I would make.  When the kids were happy, the parents were happy, and that usually translated into a nice tip for my work.  That was good, since I didn't have a base pay from the restaurant; I worked only for tips.  Making balloon animals and hats in restaurants on the weekends paid for nearly all of my first year at BYU, and this was my job during college breaks, too.

Since my high school and college days I have occasionally moonlighted with my silly balloon skills.  I've worked a few birthday parties and school fundraisers and a parade or two.  Just recently I was thinking that my balloon stash is probably too old and brittle to use and I ought to throw it out.  But even a compulsive purger like me has a hard time letting go of that piece of history.

Tonight my history came full circle when our family was eating at a local pizza joint for Zach's end-of-season soccer party.  Just we all sat down with full plates from the buffet, a teenage girl approached with an apron full of balloons, her pump at the ready.  The negative-first-reaction part of my personality jumped out and thought, "Ugh, do I have to pay someone to add chaos to my table?"  But pretty soon the teenage Me took over with a speech about all those ornery people who refused to get balloons when I was just trying to make a living back in the day.  Pretty soon I motioned to the balloon girl and asked her to make swords for all my kids.  When the kids were happily batting each other in the face with balloons, Garry reached out with a five dollar bill.  The girl was probably born when I was in high school, but I smiled at what we had in common tonight.  I just hope she puts that five dollars in her college fund.

...

Today's joys:

*Kate took a bottle of my milk for the first time

*Our front yard tree turned a stunning gold

Must-see TV

The lovely lady with whom I am privileged to present at Women's Conference spoke at a BYU-Hawaii Devotional with her husband yesterday. I just watched their address entitled, "Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness" online and had to share. You can watch the broadcast here or read the transcript here.

When I met her in January, my first impressions of Chris were remarkable. I immediately knew she was a deeply spiritual, powerful woman and I felt so lucky to know and work with her. Those feelings have only expanded as we have exchanged emails, and my respect for her grew as I listened to her biography and to her wonderful address!

I also loved the topic of the devotional, which brought back fond memories of my courtship with Garry. I have pretty tender feelings about my dear husband as he devotes his every waking hour to serving me in my time of need. It's hard to believe this wonderful life all began in a smelly boys' apartment 13 years ago...

circa 1981

When I was about two years old, my Grandma Dent made this dress for me. When I found out a little girl would join our family, Mom gave it to me for my daughter. And now it fits. Lexi calls it her "fluffy dress." I think she looks adorable.

The year in review

2010 was an adventurous year for the Bartle family! At this time last year we couldn’t have imagined the roller coaster ahead, but it was a ride full of blessings. Here is a month-by-month recap:

January: Happy New Year! Garry and Heidi feel a nudge to relocate to Mesa, Arizona to be closer to family. Garry and Heidi prepare the house to sell. Garry explores job transfers within Wells Fargo. At eight months old, Lexi learns to crawl. Zach (8) earns the Bobcat rank in Cub Scouts, and Tyler (5) becomes obsessed with reading chapter books. Heidi resolves to find joy in daily life.

February: We all enjoy watching the Winter Olympic Games. Lexi’s hair is long enough for pigtails and she hates taking a bottle. Tyler turns six, has a Lego-themed party, and explores a career in volcanology. Gavin (2) gets his first shiner, drinks a bottle of ibuprofen and a Dr. Pepper on the same day, and enters the tantrum phase. Zach gets stitches in his lip on Valentine’s Day. Lexi has three ear infections and bronchitis. We have a surprise house showing before the house is on the market. These people don’t buy our house, but later move into our ward.

March: We travel to Arizona for Heidi’s brother’s wedding. We hope to be permanent residents soon. Spring Break brings Easter, a ward split, and tons of snow to Colorado Springs. We still don’t feel the timing is right to put our house on the market. Zach enjoys his first Pinewood Derby. Garry takes Zach and Tyler skiing for the first time. Heidi gets stuck in the attic while they are gone.

April: Garry and Heidi celebrate birthdays. The tulips bloom. Zach and Tyler join an after-school running club. Lexi cuts three new teeth, learns to stand, and finally realizes bath time is not meant to torture her. Gavin discovers his ability to scale kitchen cabinets and the fridge. He drinks a bottle of Lexi’s antibiotics. Tyler learns to tie his shoes. After a near-miss at a private sale of our home, we finally put it on the market (for sale by owner).

May: Lexi turns one and begins walking (running is not far behind). School ends for the summer, just in time for a heat wave. We break out shorts and swim suits. We bid farewell to dear family friends when they move to Arizona. We hope to follow soon! The family drives to the top of Pikes Peak on Memorial Day. Zach and Tyler begin baseball season. The boys practice four days a week.

June: Keeping the house clean with four kids at home all day is impossible. House showings are happening 6-8 times a week. We receive a purchase offer for $75K below our asking price. Heidi loses her mind. She and the kids move in with her parents in Mesa. Everyone hopes the house will sell quickly. Zach and Tyler spend two weeks with Grandma and Grandpa Bartle in Nevada and Utah. Garry returns to an empty house in Colorado on Father’s Day. We hire a real estate agent.

July: Swimming, swimming, and more swimming helps us survive the Arizona heat. Lexi weans herself from nursing. Gavin visits the ER twice – once for possible meningitis and once for drinking a bottle of Benadryl. He escapes without medical consequences both times. Zach and Tyler play lots of video games. We enjoy frequent associations with cousins, grandparents, and friends. Family life is the best! There is no movement on the house front. We have two showings in six weeks.

August: We return to Colorado, take our house off the market, and abandon all moving plans. We bask in the blessing of living as a complete family. Zach begins third grade and Tyler begins first grade (yay!). Zach joins a tackle football team. Tyler begins a Musikgarten class that provides fun for the whole family. Heidi is called to teach Relief Society at church.

September: Zach plays center and nose guard for the Rampart Rams. Garry and the big boys attend the BYU v. Air Force football game. Garry and Heidi take turns with two-week bouts of bronchitis. Tyler and Zachary endure croup. We have new carpet installed in our house and paint two bedrooms. Zach earns the Cub Scout Wolf badge. Gavin’s mischief is put into perspective when he almost dies. We thank his guardian angels daily.

October: Zachary turns nine and enjoys hamburger cupcakes. Lexi is imitating every word we say. Tyler loves school; Zach just tolerates it. Football season ends. We revel in the glorious Fall colors in our city, then bag all of the leaves in our yard. Gavin gives up diapers. Our oven dies and we replace it. Garry works 83 hours one week. Garry is called to the Sunday School presidency. We attend a Halloween carnival and acquire two goldfish. Gavin kills them the next day.

November: Two dear family friends are baptized into our church. Garry performs the baptisms and Heidi speaks at the service. We have never known such joy! Lexi joins the nursery at church, but Gavin continues his nursery boycott, which began with the ward split in April. Gavin spends lots of time twenty feet up the backyard tree, on top of the fridge, and on top of the van. He turns “free” and celebrates with a Diego birthday cake. Zach earns the Leadership ribbon in Cub Scouts, Garry earns an award at work, and Heidi earns more gray hair. We celebrate Thanksgiving with family in Arizona and count our blessings.

December: Lexi has four ear infections in five weeks and is scheduled to receive ear tubes in January. Garry completes a grueling 32-hour shift at work. We enjoy the first real snowfall of the season, find the perfect Christmas tree, and celebrate the season with a daily devotional. We become secret elves for the 12 Days of Christmas. Garry's parents and Grandma visit for a few days after Christmas. We count our blessings from 2010 and welcome a fresh start in 2011.

"Then and now" or " Some things never change"

{This post is brought to you by a mother who has been swept up in nostalgia.}

Today someone told me that Lexi looks like a little elf, and I have to agree.
But I must add that she looks like an elf named Zachary.
Don't you think? Zach was a little bird, back in the day.



When I was looking for the above comparison photo, I came across many treasures. We bought our first digital camera just before Zach was born; our photo archive is ridiculously large. So here we have baby-wearing in January 2002 and baby-wearing in September 2009.



In March 2008, Granny (my mommy) made Gavin a blanket and matching hat.
She also made a bigger hat for later.
18 months later, the blanky is well-loved and the "later" hat fits.
Don't mind the aerated lawn in the background of today's shot.



Of course potty-training has been on my mind.
Here we have Zach at 23 months and Tyler at 28 months.



A friend has been using our exersaucer, but she brought it back this week.
Putting Lexi in it conjured Gavin flashbacks.
In this photo he is six months old (Lexi is 3 1/2).



While we're on the baby gear roll, here are shots of all the kids (left-right, top-bottom, Zach-Ty-Gavin-Lexi) in the same swing, but three different houses.




Here's a universal comparison: sleeping while eating.
Tyler - almost three. Gavin - almost two.



This week I discovered this dapper outfit in the hand-me-down box. Zach wore it first. We still have the armoire in the background, but you'll notice that the second photo reflects my lack of patience for getting the perfect shot. Getting a picture of Gavin (or putting on shoes) for this blog post today just wasn't worth a fight!



There aren't many Tyler photos is this comparison piece, so I looked up two of our dancin' man just for kicks. Tyler has always loved to groove.
On the left, he's dancing at Disneyland in March 2007.
On the right, he's bustin' a move at football practice five days ago.



Thanks for joining me on my trip down Memory Lane!