Kate speaks

My daughter is darling. I love the way she talks and what she has to say and her funny facial expressions. This is an impromptu interview with a two-year-old who has a lot of personality and just makes me laugh. That is all.

 Love you, Kate!

Gavin's talk

Gavin's reading interest and abilities have really taken off. He has the confidence to pick up a paper or look at a sign and try to read it, no matter how difficult it might be to decode. So this weekend, when I prepared a talk for him to give in Primary on Sunday, he was determined to read it all by himself. I helped him "read" the big words, which I'm sure he just memorized, but I'm still so proud of him for delivering an excellent talk. And he was certainly proud of himself. He shares a story about Lehi in the Book of Mormon. For more information about the story, go here.

Life aspirations

Gavin helped me load the dishwasher tonight.  When he's in the right mood, he really loves to help with household tasks. We ran out of dishes in the sink, so I asked him to clear the table.  As he brought those dishes to me, we started this conversation.

Gavin: When I grow up I want to be one of those people who takes people's food when they are done eating.

Me: Like at a restaurant?

Gavin: Yeah!

Me: I think when you grow all the way up, you can do greater things, but working at a restaurant would be a great job in high school.

Garry: Maybe you can become a chef!

Gavin: Yeah!  I can go around to all the restaurants and be a guest chef.  Like all the restaurants in the state, and then maybe some in Arizona.

I personally think Gavin is going to grow up and do great things.  Maybe he's like my dad and has picked his career at a young age.  Being a chef would sure make his daddy proud. Until then, I'll be happy that Gavin likes to help me with the dishes.

kate says...

Kate is equal parts mischievous and hilarious.  Yesterday Garry said she knew the GPS coordinates for the candy I have stashed in my church bag for the Beehives.  She raided it more than once, which was so frustrating!  However, the other day, she made me laugh so hard!  We were driving home from something and Lexi said she had to use the bathroom, but that she thought she could "hold it" for a few more minutes. Kate immediately said, "I can hold it for you!"  I'm actually laughing about it as I type.  She was so sincere!

Much of what makes us laugh around here is the things Kate says.  She says some funny words that I want to remember. Unfortunately my list of her unique vocabulary has disappeared twice.  I imagine I'll keep adding to this list as my limited memory improves.

Bekis=Breakfast

Angel Muffin=English muffin

Uh-ola bar=Granola Bar

Chaksip=Chapstick

Nakim=Napkin

And some phrases:

Yeah, sure

Hold you stand up=hold me while you are standing, not sitting

Tan I {insert something she wants to do} like 40 minutes?

...

This conversation captures another theme in Kate's life:

Lexi: Mom!  Kate peed!
Me: Peed where?
Lexi: Over there!
Me: Where over there?
Lexi: She's right there, Mom.  She peed in her diaper.
Me: You mean she's wearing a diaper, and she peed in it?
Lexi: Yes. I could feel it when she was sitting on my back.

Kate often takes it upon herself to change her wet diapers, and to remove the poopy ones before alerting me to the situation.  And yet she won't sit on the potty.  We're in a funky in-between stage on the issue.  I probably need to buckle down and give potty training another go.  Maybe over Christmas break.  Maybe next summer....

Kate has the best laugh EVER.  It's this jolly, gut-busting super-giggle that makes me so happy.

Kate currently favors climbing pantry and refrigerator shelves and dresser drawers, changing her clothes five times a day, smearing diaper cream everywhere, filling the bathroom sink with water, emptying brand-new toilet paper rolls, and trying to fix chocolate milk for herself.  On the upside, she can put on her own shoes.

She's darling, for sure, but exhausting.  I'm pretty sure she could tell you that herself.

Life with the Littles

It's no surprise that most of my photos are of Kate and Lexi. Gavin is the runner-up, with the older boys a distant fourth and fifth.  My bad.  But that's just life--the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

The squeakiest wheel is Crazy Kate.  The grocery store is my biggest nemesis, which is the primary reason we don't have decent food in the house.  Sometimes I am brave enough to attempt such an outing with my littlest darling.  Then this happens, and I realize that I am insane.

After the public experience above, I purchased a leash child safety harness to make outings more pleasant. The first two times we used it, Kate screamed so much I'm sure other store patrons were ready to call CPS. (Restrictions! Oh, the horrors!) Today was the magical day, though, and the leash child safety harness worked like a charm.  I felt like I was walking a dog, but I totally didn't care. The thought of three leashes child safety harnesses is very appealing. 

The other day I overheard these gems from the kids: 

Tyler: I think that hope is the most important thing in the world.

Gavin: Well, I think a flying pony is the most important thing.

...

While playing "house" with Lexi and pretending to answer the phone...

Gavin: Lexi can't play.  She's practicing her cooking, and then she needs to get her driver's license.

...

Kate: Haha.  My bum burpeded.

...

Gavin was so excited to help me rake the leaves on Saturday. It's a big job, and he petered out after a while.  Luckily Garry and Lexi helped in the home stretch.  It was c-c-c-old that day.

Kate's stubborn refusal to take naps is rather wearisome for all of us.  I love days when she takes a nap in the car or just plays in her room during "nap time."  It's such a relief for everyone when the afternoon can pass more pleasantly.

At the doctor's office the other day I was pretty close to a breakdown after all the shenanigans with these girls. Oh.my.goodness. Such insanity in a small room! Fortunately the PA was charming and non-judgmental.

Lexi is slowly adapting to her winter wardrobe.  She is fond of the monochromatic look, as you can see.  I have very different opinions about what makes a cute outfit, but I try to be content with covered legs and feet.  We had a breakthrough this week when Lexi chose to wear jeans and a long-sleeve shirt at the same time.  Wow. She also kept her tights on for the duration of preschool two days in a row.  

I suppose that someday I won't relish in milestones like jeans and leashes, but I guess that means I'll be facing bigger things, like peer pressure and dating and driving.  Is that why people always tell me to cherish these years?

Gavin answers some questions

Last night Tyler pulled out some Table Topics (family version) cards and started quizzing Gavin.  His first answer was so startling that I started recording the conversation.

What is the first thing you would do as the President of the United States? Share the gospel.

If you could be any animal, what would you be? A cheetah, 'cause I could run so fast!

What do you do to keep going when you want to quit?  Get more muscles when I'm playing sports.

Would you rather have no rules, or the rules you already have?  I think the rules we have now, so we could be safe.

What's the hardest thing you've ever done?  Try to keep my legs apart when I was climbing up the slide.

What takes a lot of courage?  Nephi did some courage.  He has a lot of courage.

Would you rather be a rich movie star or a not-so-rich scientist who cures cancer?  The not-so-rich one, so I could help people and be a really helpful guy, to be good.

What family/school rule would you most like to change?  That, um, hmm...that when we go in and out so many times when it's raining, we can't come back in.  I would change that rule, so we could stay out longer!

If you could compete in any Olympic sport, what would it be? I would be the "sneaky cheetahs" so you can sneak behind people, then run at them and jump over them, and then the people would say, "Hey," and then you would shoot baskets over them.

What one thing would you like to know about the future?  I don't know what color it is, or what it looks like.  Do you know what the future is? No.

What is your favorite place to go around town?  I would take them back, where they was.

What personality trait has gotten you in the most trouble?  Not doing much work.

How are you like Mom?  I have the same color of skin.  How are you like Dad? Because I have blue eyes, and because I have the same color of skin.

Would you go to space if you could?  You mean if I wanted to and I didn't even ask?

In what ways are you nice? You mean how do I get nice?  Just because I have good feelings and I don't hurt others and I love them.  Everybody loves this family.

Which wild animal would you like to keep as a pet?  An elephant, because I could ride on it.

What's your favorite thing to do at recess?  Run and jump on the trampoline...if it was there.

How old should you be before you watch a PG-13 movie?  Thirteen, I guess. I've watched PG-5.

What are some good things and bad things about a new baby?  The bad one is the baby could run around and go downstairs on its tummy.  The good one is the mom could put it in its crib and it could take a nap.

What makes something art?  Paint.

What's the best junk food ever created?  Broccoli slide.  It's like broccoli shaped like a slide!

funnies

Sometimes life just makes me laugh.

Gavin has taught himself to "whistle."  He purses his lips and blows some air, but not one bit of music comes out. Gavin is oblivious to this little detail, and asks us to listen to various whistling tunes.  I don't recognize any of them unless he tells me in advance.  Gavin has also declared that he has two favorite songs: "Jumbo Elephant" (a sweet song my grandma taught me when I was little) and "Marry You" by Bruno Mars.

Another funny: kids digging up a pair of Lexi's shoes in the back yard sand pit.  Tyler and a buddy unearthed them on Saturday.  They've been missing since last summer (the shoes, not the kids).  I wonder if the sand pit also swallowed Lexi's darling-but-AWOL cowgirl boots.

We found these foam pieces (road segments, if you can't tell) arranged in an interesting way on the shower wall. The artist: Tyler.

As you know, Zach joined the middle school band (so far just on paper).  He has to have a set of bells (not the kind you ring, as I have learned), and renting the bells kit for 10 months is 20 bucks less than buying a kit, so we bought one.  It was due to arrive on Friday, and when a big box appeared on our front porch (thank you, Mr. UPS), we carefully brought it inside.  Zach was all anticipation as he opened the box, until he saw that it was full of two giant boxes of size 4 Luvs diapers.  The bells came the next day.

The Littles talked me into making cupcakes with blue frosting.  They talk me into a lot of stuff.  Anyway, Kate got to lick the bowl for the first time.  I think she just wanted a bath.

Next we have an embarrassing moment for me.  Last night while I was vacuuming the basement and mentally moving on to my next task of making cupcake paper garlands for Lexi's birthday party, a friend sent me a text asking if I was coming to book club.  As I stood there, sweating in my grubby clothes and being annoyed with myself for not brushing my teeth since breakfast, I realized that I was 30 minutes late to the book club meeting where I was the discussion leader for a book I didn't finish because I thought it was boring. Oops!  So I high-tailed it over to Panera and spent the next two hours chatting with good friends.  We got kicked out 40 minutes after closing, and then I got kicked out of Target at 10:07.

At a court of honor the other night, I had my phone out to take pictures for the ward newsletter.  Lexi commandeered it and took no fewer than 17 shots of her beloved (and exceptionally ragged) dog, Betsy, who of course had to support the scouts.

During dinner one night we had a funny discussion.  One of Tyler's comments made me talk about myself as a child.  I shared some stories about playing dumb when I knew all the answers, mostly to get attention and be obnoxious.  Apparently Tyler could relate to this practice, and confessed that his friends refer to him as a human dictionary.  And then to me Gavin said, "I'm not pretending to be dumb like you."

Another night we sat around the dinner table and tried to make Kate demonstrate her ever-growing vocabulary.  Sometimes we know exactly what she's saying; others, not so much.  This night she kept exclaiming, "hodor!"  We didn't get it.  Gavin asked if I wrote that one down (I was taking notes).  I told him I didn't know what she was saying.  Exasperated, he said, "It means hitting your door with a hoe!"

Also, Kate likes mascara.

 Zach needs new socks.  That doesn't stop him from Ripstik-ing in the rain.

Lastly, I share a photo of a silly girl.  Our young women activity for the week was girls camp certification.  Our ward's youth camp leaders helped us start a fire (in a pit), cook with a Dutch oven, and tie knots, among other things.  Despite the date of MAY SEVENTH, it was cold and windy.  I had neglected my duty to tell the girls to wear warm clothes, so a few of my Beehives showed up in capris and sandals and were freezing.  This silly girl resorted to wearing a size 5T coat that was in a leader's car. 

Life's always good for a laugh, right?

Angels among us

Lexi: Mom, what are you doing?

Me: I'm hemming my new temple skirt.

Lexi: Why is it white?

Me: In the temple everyone wears white.  It's so beautiful.

Lexi: Do angels look that way?

Me: I'd like to think so.

Lexi: I saw an angel sitting in a tree once.

Me: Really?  What did it look like?

Lexi: It was white and so pretty and it had wings and flew around.

Me: Do you see angels a lot?

Lexi: No, just that one time.

Me: What was the angel doing in the tree?

Lexi: She was laying Easter eggs.

Me: What?

Lexi: She was laying eggs, maybe for the Easter bunny or maybe for a chicken.

The Sunday Funnies

I have fond memories of reading the funnies section of the newspaper every day as a teenager.  Those were the days of The Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes.  Man, I miss those guys.

This post won't be nearly so entertaining as the kid who can't open the door to the School for Gifted Children or a spunky boy making a community of snow people, but there have been a few random funny things around this house that deserve recording.

Drum roll, please.

After we completed The Great Room Swap, a certain boy who now lives on the main floor absconded with my toothpaste.  I walked into the hall bathroom every day for a week to paste up my toothbrush because I was too lazy to rifle through a cabinet to find a new tube for myself.  The trouble is, Tyler never puts the cap back on the toothpaste, so the dispensing end is all goopy and crusty, and he also squeezes from the middle, which I just can't tolerate.  Finally I retrieved my own tube, and staked claim on it once and for all.

This is my best parenting strategy: give children (even guests, who should surely receive better treatment) a bowl of crackers and a TV show and leave the room.

Two conversations between Gavin and his father: 

G: What was that sound you just made?

D: Oh, the coolest sound ever.  'Cause I'm the coolest guy ever.

G: No! You're not cooler than Grandpa!

D: [Laughs] Actually, you're right. I'm not cooler than Grandpa.

G: But you ARE taller!

...

D: See this awesome picture of Uncle Eric hunting? [Dad holds his phone, which is displaying the picture, about a quarter of an inch from Gavin's nose.]  What did you think of that?

G: It was blurry.

...

On what planet is it a good marketing strategy to introduce the new swimsuit line when the outdoor temperature is 15 degrees and the store is too cold for customers to remove their coats?  Come on, Target.

Early this morning I dreamed I was a serial killer.  The first person I killed was Abraham Lincoln, by suffocation, while he was sleeping in his bed.  Then I killed a homeless man, who, inexplicably, had a home and a bed exactly like the late president.  My third victim was a teenage boy named Tom (names have been changed to protect the innocent, whom I happen to know in real life).  I was his hospice nurse and apparently decided that caring for him was too much work. As I began to suffocate him, he leaped out of bed, screamed at me for trying to kill him, jumped in his truck, and drove across the country.  My initial reaction was embarrassment that I had done something so crazy, but then I went on with my regular life. Later, however, Tom, now a brazen and rugged man, returned from his road trip and declared to the world that I was a murderer. Tom's father, whom I also know in real life, grilled him with questions, as he was unable to believe that a wholesome person like me was capable of such a crime. Tom vehemently affirmed that I was his would-be killer. Then his father began questioning me, and just as I was going to confess to the whole business I woke up.  I was happy to see my life of crime end so abruptly.

...

Last week Gavin was cold after breakfast.  When he came upstairs, dressed and ready for school, he was wearing four shirts, two pairs of pants, shorts, and snow boots.  Could he be wearing anymore clothes?  [Name that TV show.]  He gives new meaning to "layering." Lexi's gold shoes and hot pink socks are just an amusing side note.

Last night I went to Panera with a bunch of friends for a book discussion.  Just as I walked into the restaurant, I noticed my primary care physician sitting at a table with his family.  It was so bizarre to see him in trendy clothes and laughing.  I felt super awkward; he's the doctor who referred me to see a psychiatrist, and the last time I saw him we were...uh...too up-close and personal for my taste.
...

This, perhaps, is the funniest thing of all. I was making copies for Young Women in our empty church this week and my kids had to use the bathroom. They ran down the hall and disappeared into the men's room. Pretty soon I heard screaming, and Lexi ran out to tell me that one of the toilets was overflowing.  I smiled at my good fortune and went to investigate.  I discovered that the toilet, while full to the brim with nastiness, had not actually spilled sewage.  And this note was on the stall's door.

It reminds me of that telephone message: "We're sorry, but your call cannot be completed as dialed.  Please try again."

That would actually make a really funny comic strip.

All I want for Christmas

The children made Christmas wish lists the other day.  You know, because our family can't just be grateful for abundant blessings...we have to think of more that we want.  This is the spirit of the holiday season, right? [Insert a big fat groan and copious rolling of eyes.]

Anyway.

Gavin's list is utterly fantastic, not only because he wrote it all by himself, but because of what's on his list.  Can you interpret?

Translation:

Drums

Guitar

mp3 player

My own room

Spoiled much?  We encouraged Gavin to think of some more realistic requests.  P.S. Gavin already has his own bedroom.

Zachary's list was equally outrageous, but his handwriting and spelling weren't nearly so entertaining, so I will just type it up.  He began thus:

Cell phone

Dog

X-box 360

My own b-room (I assume he's not talking about a bathroom)

iPad

Go to Mountain Ridge (a middle school)

New/fixed Wii

Contacts

$$$$$

Snowboard trip

Zach informed us that the first three items are permanently on his wish list until he receives them.  Apparently ALL of his 11-year-old friends have phones and dogs.  Zach did put some reasonable items on his wish list, and he may actually get some of them.  But he will not receive a cell phone or a dog this Christmas.

Tyler made a pretty reasonable wish list (i.e. affordable items I would allow in the house), although his included some of Zach's wishes, too.  Here are the funniest items on Tyler's list:

Hot breakfast

Pool

New bedroom

Fun

How sad is it that "hot breakfast" made the list?  And what's the deal with new bedrooms, anyway?  I'm not gonna lie--I'd love a new bedspread and fresh paint and less/different furniture in my room. But I don't think that's what these silly boys are talking about.

The girls did not make lists, although when a toy catalog came in the mail recently, Lexi circled every single girly item in the whole magazine, indicating that whatever Santa brings her will be fabulous.  I'm a little surprised at how much I enjoy shopping for little girls, being decidedly un-girly myself.

What's on my wish list?  It turns out that mine is as unreasonable as Zach's list:

World  family peace

A cook and massage therapist on retainer

12 hours of sleep every night

Calorie-free baked goods 

Having my van detailed weekly

Like Zach, those first three are permanently on my wish list.  I think I'd better focus on what I have, rather than what I want.  Then I'll never be disappointed.

Kid speak

Commentary from the Littles this week:

Gavin: We didn't play outside (during preschool) today.

Heidi: Because it was too wet?

Gavin: Yeah, but we did play in the gym.

Lexi: Does your teacher have a car?

Gavin: I think so.

Heidi: Why does Gavin's teacher need a car?

Lexi: To go to the gym!

...

Lexi's favorite phrase to use during a prayer: "Please help Jesus to hug us when we're sad."

...

Lexi: Mom, can you warm up my ice cream in the microwave?  It's too cold!

...

Lexi: I'm so excited to go to school and get some knowledge!

Church conversation

Gavin was ready for Sacrament Meeting to be over before it started.  After all, he'd already been wearing a scratchy shirt and tie for an hour because he came with me to choir practice.  At 11:30, with about 40 minutes left in the meeting, we had the following conversation.  I whispered, but he used his regular voice.

Gavin: I want a drink!

Heidi: You can get a drink when the meeting is over.

Gavin: When is that?

Heidi: (Pointing to the clock) When the big hand gets to the two.

Gavin: It's already at the eleven!

Heidi: That's the little hand.  The big hand is at the six.  Then it will go to the seven. Then eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, one, two.  At the two we'll be saying the closing prayer. (This turned out to be a lie; the meeting ran long.)

Gavin: But I NEVER get to say the prayer.  Never.  Ever.

Heidi: You could say a quiet prayer right now and ask Heavenly Father to help you be less thirsty and feel happy.

Gavin: But he won't do that!

Heidi: Why not?  He answers prayers!

Gavin: Because sometimes the answer is NO.

I may have laughed out loud.

Cell phone stories, etc.

I often laugh at the randomness that is my life when I download photos from my cell phone.

This week, Gavin earned his very first "consequence chore."  He emptied the dishwasher because he said some bad words.  I'm not sure the punishment part really sunk in, though.  As he cheerfully worked, he kept saying things like, "This is so much fun.  I love emptying the dishwasher for the first time ever!"  He has since completed this chore several times, much to our mutual delight.

Kate continues her sickly ways.  For the last several days she has added mid-nightly (or more often) vomiting to her general malaise and discontent.  The days are mighty long. One afternoon we resorted to sitting in the driveway (for about an hour) until Dad came home.

I took Kate to the doctor Monday only to find out her illness is "a cold."  That was an excellent use of my time, money, and limited sanity.

 Zach is learning to ride a unicycle.

It's official: my ten-year-old is taller than I am.

During one of her brief episodes of wellness, Kate enjoyed some French fries for dinner.  (I'll be signing autographs as Mother of the Year soon...)

I did tons of yard work this week.  I think our trash barrel is two-thirds full of yard waste. Plus there's a giant pile of tree limbs on the side of the house.  This is just a tiny part of that pile.  I had a little too much fun with the pruning shears.

Will wonders never cease?  Watercolors entertained these three children for an hour. They won't jump on the trampoline or play on the swings, but they will paint.  I don't get it.

In preparation for house guests and a fun party this weekend, Garry helped me tackle my to-do list.  At the top was cleaning the wood floor.  I could not get over how much easier that job was with his help.  And the finished product was so glorious that I took a picture so I could bask in the cleanliness a little longer.  The next day, Garry came home from work and expressed his dismay at the [dirty] state of the floor.  Yep.  It's amazing what 18 hours will do...

Garry's parents and grandma are in town for the weekend.  I'll have a full post about their visit later.

And two things that really tickled my funny bone this week:

My friend Sandy sent me this AWESOME photo, which I would love to replicate for all of my children to wear in public:

Equally funny is this cartoon Garry found online the other day.  It is such an accurate reflection of my life, and explains why I adore email, Facebook, and texting. This facet of my life is probably why my ability to generate small talk in face-to-face conversation is severely lacking.