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Sep 28, 2010

Letters

Dear Makers of Children's Motrin,

Why did you mess up in production and have to recall your products? I really, really like Motrin for teething, and so do Lexi's gums. I'm tired of generic Tylenol and look forward to paying full price when you are back on the shelves.

Sincerely,

Disgruntled Mother

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Dear Hanes,

Next time you introduce a line of little boy underwear, would you please print the design of the cartoon character on the FRONT of each brief? My potty-training boy must wear all underwear backwards so he can admire Diego/Buzz/Spiderman while he sits on the toilet. His wedgies are driving me crazy.

Thank you,

A toddler mom

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Dear John M. Graham,

Two years later, we are still getting your mail. Some of it looks important. What's the deal?

Regards,

Current Resident

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Dear Grandpa in the Target parking lot,

No, I wasn't torturing my child. He just screams like that when he has to wear the safety strap in the shopping cart and when I put him in his car seat. For a minute, though, I was pretty sure you had sent the cop that pulled up behind me at the traffic light.

Warmest wishes,

Mother of the Year Finalist

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Dear First Grade Volunteer Coordinator,

Can the Littles come to the pumpkin patch field trip?

Please say yes.

Thanks much,

Tyler's Mom

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Dear Holly-not-in-Arizona,

Can you babysit tonight? Garry is working late and I have two visiting teaching appointments. It is the 28th and I can't reschedule for a third time. I'm guessing you can't check my blog (or even know it exists) from your high school class, so I'll just call your mom. K? K.

Sister Bartle

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Dear Garry,

Your drill is in the garage. I know you need to use it, but I can't look at it on the counter anymore. Thank you for the cabinet locks. They have improved my life immensely!

Love,

Heidi

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Dear Garbage Men,

It's a good thing you're so nice. My trash can was WAY too full this week. But if you could see the organized corner of the garage and the empty flower beds, you'd know why. I hope you don't charge me an excess fee.

Sincerely,

The lady who tips

P.S. Next week the can will be full of rotten apples and grass. Pump some iron before Monday.

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Dear Blue's Clues DVD,

I really don't know where you came from, but Gavin loves you. So does Lexi, which is amazing. You are not long enough, but Gavin knows how to hit "Play All" when the menu comes back on.

Hugs and kisses,

A woman who is getting something done while her children vegetate

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Dear Yo Gabba Gabba,

You have been replaced.

With respect,

A Foofa look-a-like

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Dear Colorado,

It is officially Fall. Will you cool off a bit? Lexi has outgrown her summer clothes but it is too hot for long sleeves. Also, I don't want to water my lawn anymore.

Much love,

Me

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Dear House,

Did a tornado hit while I was sleeping last night? Surely that's the only way that our belongings could be strewn about in such a manner. I really do love you, dear house, but I have many interests besides keeping you clean! Sorry if you feel neglected.

Much love,

Your owner
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