Tonight I received a gift from an unexpected source.
I attended a Relief Society meeting billed as a crash course on dealing with depression in yourself and loved ones. I was happy to find friendly people to sit by while listening to subject matter that so directly pertained to my life. I expected to feel emotional, to feel weighed down by frustration and discouragement that the burden of depression is sometimes mine to bear.
But instead I was overwhelmed with contentment and peace, even happiness. As I listened (and surprised myself by sharing a few times) I realized that I have learned important things in the last few years -- things about myself, things about others, things about God's plan of happiness for me -- that have greatly improved my outlook on life. I have done some hard things and survived. I have been in the low valley but now find myself in the mountains. I have learned. I have grown. I have conquered.
From my seat on the back row, I could see how far I have come. And I realized that the ability to appreciate my progress was a gift. So often I feel like I'm taking two steps forward but sixteen steps backward. I feel like the things I do every day with my little kids in my little world make no difference at all. The only movement I notice is the backward movement, or the things I'm not doing or could be doing in a better way. This new perspective was amazing.
I came home from the meeting to a quiet house. Some wonderful friends are staying with us for a couple of days. I have worried that such real-life exposure to my family life might be a straining experience for all of us. Instead, it has been great. As I talked with my friend about the events of the evening, she shared her perspective of my home and family life. She said such lovely things, further validating my impression that I am making progress. Life isn't perfect, but I am making progress. And I feel like God accepts my meager offerings. He is pleased with my work.
Tonight I'm having trouble sleeping, but not because I am worried or afraid or upset. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I am moving in the right direction. Progress is a beautiful, wonderful thing.
pass it on!
7 comments:
Sounds like it was a good meeting. Wish I had remembered.
Love you, girlfriend. I'm glad you had a seat in the mountains tonight.
I glad for you. From our perspective, you are doing great. You keep your sense of humor and you have unending patience with a little two year old boy. You are a great example to me.
What a wonderful feeling to have! I am so glad you came home and could see in yourself what the rest of us do.
Im glad you are making it through it! It gives me hope. I could always use a bit of advice on what brought you to the point you are at. If you ever have the time, go here for me http://ordinarycreativity.blogspot.com
and yell down at me from the mountian you are on above the valley I am still struggling in. "As Sisters in Zion..." amazing how much we can help others with a few simple words. THANK YOU.
I'm so glad you had a good experience. It's a continuum, and we just keep trying to edge toward the "good" side of it.
I'm glad you're in the mountains. You're making progress every day. I'm proud of you.
Post a Comment