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Feb 27, 2011

Slow and steady

I left the hospital around 8:30 Friday morning, and I just have to say:

IT IS SO GOOD TO BE HOME!!!



I have taken so much for granted. Things like holding kids on my lap, showering unassisted, walking up and down stairs and sleeping in whatever position I want are life's little perks that I appreciate so much now. Last night I sat with the family for dinner for the first time in several weeks. I was teary. Just listening to Tyler chatter on about his backyard playtime brought me so much joy. Later, when Lexi wouldn't go to sleep and Garry was at the grocery store, I laid on the floor in her bedroom in the dark and sang her some Primary songs. I got choked up. I couldn't remember the last time I helped put her to bed. I was more than happy to have her cuddle in my bed when the song routine didn't work. And then, at 2:00 a.m. when a feverish, coughing Zach stumbled into my bedroom, I was thrilled to help him. I felt like a mother again. It was wonderful.

I was happy to snap a couple of photos yesterday. It felt...absurdly normal. The boys were just playing with a neighbor in the backyard. I stood at the door and watched them for a while, just basking in the contentment of the moment.



Zachary's ongoing illness re-emerged yesterday. He looked so tragic lying in the chair. He napped on and off throughout the afternoon and then all day today. Given my recent experience, I have great sympathy for a child with a fever. It's just so miserable!!



I spent some time yesterday sorting through a week of mail and two months of papers, most of them related to medical care. I needed to find receipts for flu shot reimbursement, a bill for Gavin's ER visit last summer, and documentation for another medical payment. I found everything I needed, got rid of the rest, and once I make phone calls on Monday my brain can take a break. This project has been a monkey on my back for months.



But that's not to say that I don't still feel sick...because I do. I am taking nausea medication every six hours and two different antibiotics twice a day (plus Tylenol for a persistent headache). Movement and noise and light and smells still turn my stomach. The battle against throwing up is constant and requires nearly all of my energy. I am just afraid that if I let go and rid myself of the rock in my gut, I will spiral and end up back in the hospital. So I am being very careful, eating often, and resting a LOT. [Sidebar: in an odd turn of events, I have lost 10 pounds since I started eating again. Why has it taken my body so long to realize I am starving?] I am very, very motivated to make this system work, but I would never survive without my mom's and Garry's helping hands.

Speaking of my mom, she is mostly running the household. The Littles were happy to enjoy her assistance while I was in the hospital, but now that I am home, they aren't as content with Granny. So she is staying busy with mounds of neglected housework, laundry, ironing, and cooking. One of yesterday's projects was cleaning out our toxic waste dump (otherwise known as the refrigerator). Something vile was growing in there and she eradicated it. I was kind of surprised how empty the fridge was when she was finished. Garry had the honor of trekking to Walmart and filling it back up with fresh food.



So that's life in a nutshell. I am slowly recovering but still require lots of assistance (which I have). I am incredibly grateful to be home and on the road to wellness. I am thankful for all of those (lurking or known) who are praying and fasting for me, thinking of me, emailing and calling me, and serving my family in other ways. It has been a humbling experience to be so sick and require so much help, but I am grateful to see the miracles happening all around me. Thank you for your part in the miracle.
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