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Aug 2, 2011

...you might be...

Have you ever heard or watched a Jeff Foxworthy clip on the theme of "You might be a redneck?"  I had some random Foxworthy thoughts tonight, so I found a clip here (not sure why it won't embed with my post...but click the link!  It's funny!).

Maybe I just needed a good laugh, but it tickled my funny bone.

Tonight Jeff Foxworthy popped into my head because I was thinking (and laughing) about my various pregnancy ailments, many of which are universal to all women in my stage of life.  In redneck style, I was thinking:

If your toenails look like a five-year-old painted them three weeks ago...you might be eight months pregnant.

If you find yourself wondering how long you can ignore your full bladder because you are finally comfortable in bed...you might be eight months pregnant.

If you know pizza is terrible for your stomach but order it anyway because you are too lazy to fix anything for dinner...you might be eight months pregnant.

If your children sulk when you won't share the Tums stashed in your purse...you might be eight months pregnant.

If your three-year-old starts talking about the babies in the tummies of overweight men at church...you might be eight months pregnant.

If you spend more on OB co-pays, prescription drugs, and ice cream than you do on groceries...you might be eight months pregnant.

If you look forward to your OB visit because it is the quietest, most peaceful hour in your weekly schedule...you might be eight months pregnant.

If the details from your latest OB visit make your husband blush...you might be eight months pregnant.

If your math skills aren't sufficient to track your weight gain...you might be eight months pregnant.

If your bubble of personal space has expanded by three square meters....you might be eight months pregnant. 

If your house is a disaster but your hospital bag and birth plan are neatly organized...you might be eight months pregnant.

If you have decided that knit capris go with everything...you might be eight months pregnant.

If your hot pink flip-flops are the cutest thing in your wardrobe...you might be eight months pregnant.


If you are practicing for life with a newborn by having bouts of insomnia...you might be eight months pregnant.

If your dreams include giving birth in elevators, gas stations, your living room, or your driveway...you might be eight months pregnant.

If you are too tired to walk across the room but seriously consider hiking The Incline just to start labor...you might be eight months pregnant.

...

Did I miss anything?  Please share...
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