Letters

Dear Kate,

How did you like the big bathtub?  Pretty fun, eh?  Even though your expression showed complete indifference, I'm hoping you liked the switch.  You were way too big for that sink tub.

Love,

Mama

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Dear Kathleen,

Thanks a ton for the fabulous cinnamon rolls.  I'm sorry that my diet prevented me from tasting them, but I savored the smell and the children said they were delicious.  The dress you brought for Kate is darling, too, and I hope that one of these days I'll find the time to dive into that awesome parenting book.  I'm glad we're friends!  It's nice to know you've done what I'm doing...and that you survived.

Love,

Heidi

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Dear Tyler, Zach, and Garry,

I emptied my camera's memory card and you weren't in any of the pictures.  Sorry about that.

Sheepishly,

The household photographer

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Dear Lexi,

You are two.  And you are CONTRARY.  Today you asked what day it was and when I told you it was Wednesday, you screamed that you didn't want it to be Wednesday.  Sorry, Sis, but I can't change the calendar.  If I could, I would change the day to Sunday, just as you wished, so that someone else could deal with you for two hours in nursery class.  And I would sneak home and take a nap.

Love (or trying to),

Mommy

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Dear Melinda,

Thank you for trying to help balance my crazy hormones for the last couple of months.  I think I'm ready for a second opinion.  If you could just call me back, I'd like referral to an endocrinologist, please.

Thanks much,

Out-of-whack

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Dear owl-patterned shower curtain,

I love you.  Thanks for making me smile when I walk past the newly-dubbed "girls' bathroom."

Happily,

Your decorator

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Dear January,

Yesterday it was 60 degrees in the afternoon, and my delighted children (plus the three extras in my charge) happily jumped on the trampoline without jackets.  Today it is 20 degrees, windy, and snowy.  Can you please make up your mind?  It's easier to get the boys to wear coats when it is consistently cold.

Much obliged,

The mean mom

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Dear Laundry,

I cannot believe you were off my radar for so long.  How did I forget that you needed to be done?  That error probably originated in the same part of my brain that remembers where the car keys are, or what time I fed the baby, or when I changed the baby, or where I put the baby.  That part of my brain is broken.  But there's nothing like the reality check of running out of underwear and having to go to preschool in pajama pants because nothing is clean.

Sincerely,

Exasperated

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Dear Memorial Health System,

Kate was born in AUGUST.  Can you stop sending us bills for her birth already?

Yours truly,

Broke

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Dear House,

I'm sorry that you are so darn messy all the time.  I blame the kids.  If I clean you up real nice and don't complain, will my fairy godmother show up with a golden carriage to whisk me away?

Your servant,

Cinderella