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Jan 18, 2012

Classified Ads

WANTED

 TEMPORARY MOTHER

Qualifications:
Must be kind, temperate, patient, infinitely energetic
Drivers license required
FBI negotiation skills and/or advanced degree in child psychology desirable
Proven track record with ornery two-year-olds mandatory
May not exhibit fatigue, menopause, or flu-like symptoms (ever)

Job description:
Manage household with five children, including...
Cooking, cleaning, giving piano lessons, changing diapers
Managing schedules and transportation
Soothing, rocking, consoling, and encouraging children
Helping with homework and cub scouts
Daily laundry, dishes, ironing, shopping
Responsible for teaching manners, building character, and growing testimonies

Pay:
No financial compensation
Healthcare benefits provided

Duration of employment:
Six months
Current mother checked into the loony bin with books and some chocolate
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