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Mar 28, 2011

Monday musings

  • If I ever build a custom home, the kitchen will have a locking, lead-lined door. Access will only be granted by the retinal scan of an adult over 30. Appliances will be activated and/or opened by key card. Security-breaching miscreants will be captured through a trap door in the floor and fed bread and water until properly penitent.
  • Maternity clothing designers need help. Women who are not a size 2 or a size AA or who have less than a 36" inseam do not look good in picnic blankets, tents, old-lady sweaters, or Project Runway attire. Where are the sensible shirts with sleeves, the dresses that do not require modesty layers, and the skirts that cover varicose veins?
  • One should never trust an almost-two-year-old who pleads, "I be nice, Mommy!" from her crib.
  • Nap time is the most glorious thing ever invented, and is especially lovely when certain rowdy boys are safely ensconced in school classrooms.
  • Wallets should be equipped with homing devices. So should car keys and cell phones (even when in 'silent' mode).
  • I wonder how long it will take my boys to notice that I donated their gaming chairs to Vietnam Veterans of America. {Insert evil cackle.}
  • Big bruises on baby girl faces are very, very sad.
  • Late-afternoon bath time is an excellent stalling tactic as we wait for dinner to bake and for Daddy to come home.
  • Gavin will probably grow up to hate his name, given the number of times he hears it exclaimed in harsh tones. Or maybe I'll be the one to grow up and hate his name. I wonder what we can name the next baby that will avoid this problem. Surely he/she will be as naughty as his/her predecessors.
  • Is this baby a boy or a girl? 48 hours and we will know....
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