beware the ides of march

lately i have felt the fog lifting from my brain. i am able to do more things as my strength returns and my health improves, and yet i am still limited. i simply can't function at the level i am used to functioning, and i am also a little rusty on handling the daily frustrations of my normal life. today all four of my children were in my care all day for the first time in months. in some ways that was a good thing -- after all, my health hasn't permitted me to really act as a mother for quite a while, and i am greatful for the opportunity. however, it was kind of a doozy of a day, and i experienced a long-dormant emotion: complete and utter exasperation with my children and life in general.

nothing catastrophic happened. it was all just stuff like this:

plus:

• a dinner conversation about college education that ended with zach announcing that he plans to become a professional video gamer instead of serving a full-time mission
• the kids finding a stash of balloons and spending half an hour blowing them up and either slowly letting out the air so they squeaked loudly or letting them fly around the room (repeated 64,000 times)
• gavin and lexi dumping crayons and goldfish crackers all over creation
• gavin and lexi raiding the applesauce and eating about eight single-serve cups while i folded the laundry
  
• lexi refusing to nap
• canceling my looooong-overdue hair appointment due to factors beyond my control
  
• lexi unfolding clean laundry faster than i could fold it
• zachary flying into a rage about doing chores he earned as a consequence for behaving in a defiant and ugly manner during family home evening last night
• finding out that zach has to do a separate write-up for the science fair
• learning (over dinner) that tyler got into big trouble at school today
• watching gavin *almost* get hit by a car in the target parking lot
• gavin smacking his head on the floor after jumping from the coffee table to the hopper ball and making me consider an e.r. excursion
  
• self-medicating during lexi's non-naptime with cadbury eggs and jelly beans only to really regret it an hour later
• getting a new gel case for my cell phone in the mail and finding out it is a startling neon green color instead of my favorite kelly green
  
• setting my cell phone on the table and not realizing for ten minutes that it was sitting in a puddle of water (bye-bye, phone camera)
• getting to scouts and realizing that zach left his scout book on the counter at home, even though it was imperative that he have it tonight
  
• discovering that gavin had locked all of the bathroom doors at a very inopportune moment

ok, venting over. hoping for a better day tomorrow.