Jul 7, 2010


Tonight Gavin wouldn't go to bed. Would NOT. I had to hold the door closed to keep him in his bedroom. It was tragic. Finally, after 30 minutes, he gave up the screaming routine and fell asleep. The entire household took a collective sigh of relief.

As I was standing outside his room, forehead pressed on the door jam, straining to grip the wiggling door knob, I pondered this difficult season of my life. It has offered lots of frustrating experiences. I often feel like I'm banging my fists on a closed door, screaming about wanting to get through. Sometimes life seems very much being like shut in a room I'd rather not be in at all.

But today, as I sat in the temple, I simultaneously felt two powerful things: an electrifying spirit and overwhelming peace. And I realized that I have been so focused on the doors that are closed that I haven't even noticed all of the windows that are opening all around me. Life may not lead down the path I expected or on the vehicle I planned to ride, but it is still going to be exciting and wonderful and beautiful -- and surely better than I ever expected.

My temple ponderings also included the lyrics to a lovely anthem by Horatio Spafford. I first heard it sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, but I also love this beautiful rendition. Learning about the composer's life and perspective touched my heart. I have to practice a lot, but I am learning to find peace in this tumultuous world. "It is well with my soul" tonight.

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