Dec 1, 2010

Letters, part four

Dear Fairy Godmother,

I have an assignment for you: Please find the source of that hideous smell in the van and eradicate it. My olfactory sensors are in hyper-drive.

Thanks much,



Dear Zachary,

What do you want for Christmas (besides a Nintendo DS or a $300 r/c snowmobile)? I am stumped, but I have a million ideas for Tyler.


Mrs. Claus


Dear lock of hair behind my left ear,

Why won't you ever behave? If the rest of the hairs are flipped out, you lie down. If I'm going for a sleek look, you decide to be funky. What gives?


Your owner

P.S. I really am grateful to not be bald. Thank you for being there, even in your unruly way.


Dear ABC Pediatrics,

We are developing a close relationship these days. I am especially endeared to the receptionist who helped me the other day, to the receptionist to apologized for NOT helping me the other day, and to Dr. Y, who is my favorite.

I love you, even though you separate me from a lot of my money.

Infectiously yours,

Mrs. B


Dear Gavin,

I never thought I'd say it, but I miss the crazy version of you. This schlumpy, teary, red-faced, bleary-eyed version just makes me sad. You clearly feel awful.

To your health,



Dear Ms. Ro,

How badly do you want Gavin and Lexi in your music class? I'm not willing to pay very much, but you seem eager to invite our chaos into your weekly routine. If the demonstration class goes well, I hope we can strike a deal.


Tyler's mom


Dear Rainforest,

All of this online shopping and UPS shipping is making me feel guilty about the superfluous use of cardboard. I attribute some of the fault to Amazon for packing a tiny little thing in a giant box, but most of the fault is mine. I am lazy. The "click, click, click" effort is just my speed!

I promise I recycle.


The planet killer


Dear mini trampoline,

You might be the best purchase I have ever made. I love you.


The mother of children who need to burn a few calories


Dear Christmas cards,

You are in the mail. See you (well, the 2011 iteration of you) next year!

I hope that every home you grace feels loved....enough to send one in reply.


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