Category 5

Meteorologists report that since Hurricane Gavin made landfall on Monday, nothing but destruction remains in its wake. Monday's casualties were primarily confined to the bedroom zone, with dressers and toy bins emptied, play kitchen appliances dismantled, furniture overturned, and a wooden high chair broken. Family room cushions and pillows were thrown into the melee, but search and rescue efforts recovered those pieces.

Reporters on the scene say that Tuesday's damage was more widespread but less severe. The hurricane zone spanned the kitchen for most of the day, repeatedly lashing the refrigerator and the pantry until their contents were nearly depleted. Debris like orange peels, apple cores, chocolate sauce, cocoa powder, milk, candy canes, whipped cream, and shredded cheese was strewn through several rooms. Couches and carpets sustained the most damage, but areas like the front porch and the cement behind the outdoor garbage can also showed evidence of storm activity.

Barometric pressure changes likely accounted for looting and riots in traveling vehicles. Gavin and its sister storm, Alexis, spiraled out of control and without restraint on high speed roadways. The storms threatened to combine into a super storm until they were, by some meteorologic miracle, separated until dinnertime.

Coastal residents expressed relief when Hurricane Gavin was downgraded to a tropical storm on Wednesday morning, but sister storms made up for Gavin's weakened presence during preschool hours.  Alexis led the dangerous attack on popular living areas, leaving nothing but mounds of sugar and cereal in her wake.  It appeared that the worst was over when Gavin raged through the region again, this time obliterating storms Alexis and Kate in the bath tub and overthrowing the family room with couch cushions, pillows, and blankets--the same items rescued just Monday from a damaged space across the bay. Gavin pummeled locked doors when residents attempted to hide from its destructive winds and rains. 

Begonia Terrace has been declared a federal disaster area.  Mother Nature is cowering alone on a rooftop, aghast at having given birth to such a powerful, destructive storm. She awaits a personal rescue from the National Guard, hoping that their disaster relief efforts will include food, relocation, and emergency clean-up services.  Stand by as news crews keep readers abreast of changing conditions and events.