Feb 3, 2014

February Letters

Dear brain,

Thank you for being nicer to me lately.  Thank you for some happier days and sleep-filled nights. Thank you for being able to pull out of a slump by yourself. I really appreciate a more balanced life, and while consistent and excellent balance still eludes me, the progress is encouraging. Thanks to you I am no longer eating Oreos and/or ice cream at bedtime every night, and my pants fit again.

Love you (right now anyway),

The rest of me

Dear YNAB,

Your acronym is ridiculous, although saying "You Need a Budget" five times fast is pretty tricky. Anyway, for the first time in my married life I am an equal partner in the family finances.  I don't love the responsibility (or the awareness...haha), but you are making it easier on me.  Life is so expensive.  Just sayin'.

Novice budgeter

Dear purple chairs,

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.

And then I feel bad about being materialistic.  But I love you.

Your reupholsterererer

Dear Beehive class,

Thanks for visiting me the other night.  I'm honored that you consider me a "woman of knowledge" in your lives!  I loved your sweet hugs.  And whoever made those peanut butter chocolate brownie things...they were

Sister B.

Dear Stephen Covey,

Your book is great, and I am motivated by your encouragement to change my life.  However, after such an intense self-help book, I need a novel.  I'm sorry if this offends you, but you are dead.

A Somewhat Effective reader

Dear Pikes Peak Library District,

Thank you for allowing me to renew Word World: Castles in the Sea and Beauty and the Beast: Enchanted Christmas one more time.  I couldn't bear going out in the cold tonight to return two silly movies.

A lazy checker-outer

Dear Willow Tree "Courage" figurine,

You have been standing on my piano, right next to the metronome, for a few years now.  You were a gift from a dear friend, and you remind me that I can do hard things.  Last night as I was shuffling my sheet music, I knocked you off your perch and the ensuing fall sadly broke off your arm.  This wouldn't be so tragic except that the kids broke off your other arm a few months ago.  I have decided to keep you this way, as a reminder that even broken things are worth having around.

Trying to be courageous

Dear Billy Blanks,

You kicked my butt this morning.  I haven't done a TaeBo workout for years, and while I am pleased to report I am slightly more coordinated than the last time I saw you, doing a workout video in my basement with small people milling about is still ridiculous.  My greatest fear is kicking one of my girls in the teeth. Perhaps I should weigh my concern about facial trauma against my desire for endorphins.  That would involve a scale, however, and I avoid scales at all costs, which is why you are boxing your way back into my life.

Still exercising (gold star!)

P.S. You look great!  Do you work out?

Dear Facebook friends,

Thank you for your input on my kindergarten dilemma. I was so torn between the morning session, which would allow me four hours per week of time all by myself while Kate is in preschool, and the afternoon session, which is taught by a teacher far superior to the morning teacher.  In the end, the afternoon class won. I feel like a martyr for giving up my free time in the name of Lexi's education.  Just kidding.  Sort of.

The mom waiting one more year
Dear District 20,

Alexis is attending kindergarten in the fall, not joining the FBI.  The amount of paperwork you require is ridiculous.  Having said that, may I also say: please, pretty please with a cherry on top (or cheese if you prefer), grant my choice applications for Lexi and Tyler to attend the schools I want. I absolutely could not handle two middle schools and two elementary schools.  Please and thank you.

The mom with a hand cramp

Dear Kate,

I suppose I should be happy at your recent discovery of the C and K sounds (you can say your name!), but I miss the T's in your vocabulary.  Today, however, my woe was eclipsed by your most darling mispronunciation ever: instead of tortilla, you say "torto-weeyuh."  Oh my gosh, it's the cutest.

Yo mama

Dear Accutane,

I thought you were going to change my, my awful skin, and by extension, my life. After jumping through 64 hoops to qualify to take you, I found out on the day I filled my prescription that you were going to cost me $400 a month, and that's after my insurance kicked in $600 a month.  The exorbitant cost should have been part of the very first conversation I had with the dermatologist.  I guess this letter should be addressed to her.

[Super] frustrated

Dear Connie,

I enjoyed helping you with your business class homework today.  I guess all of my ward newsletters have paid off, since I can now find my way around Microsoft Publisher.  My favorite part of the morning was watching your face light up when I showed you keyboard commands like Alt-Tab and Ctrl-A, and also the format painter tool. Since you have offered to do my ironing this week, I can forgive you for making fun of me for saving the document a million times. You are so funny.

Your computer nerd friend

Dear UPS man,

Do you miss me yet?

A recovering online shopper

Dear Zach,

I'm proud of you for learning a life lesson all by yourself.  Our house would be cleaner and we wouldn't have to work so hard if everyone just put away their own things. Regarding your other comment, Dad and I do not love cleaning as much as you think.

The manager

Dear Mary,

You are the most chipper morning person I have ever met, so you are well-suited to work the reception desk from 5:00-9:00 a.m. at the YMCA.  When I told you on Friday that we were suspending our membership for a while, you came out from behind the desk, gave me a great big hug, and said you'd miss me.  That pretty much melted my heart on a cold, snowy day.  I'll miss you and your crazy smile at the crack of the crack.

Miss Heidi

Dear Elders Bednar, Holland, and Robbins,

I think of you every time that one of my children objects to, ignores my efforts during, or behaves badly when we have Family Home Evening, or read scriptures or pray as a family, or go to church, or eat a meal together, or ride in the car. So basically every day. Remember that one time you talked about your kids saying things like, "He's touching me!" and "He's breathing my air!" (Elder Bednar, I'm looking at you)? Well, that happens all.the.time at my house, and I take heart in your promise that maybe the crazies are listening when I say something remotely intelligent or inspirational. My little Bedlamites stretch my patience and faith every minute of every day, but on your recommendation, Elder Holland, I'm giving myself high marks for trying.  

The C- Student in Parenting 505

Dear Facebook friends,

I notice a lot of you write letters as your status updates.  That makes me smile.  It's just you, me, and Jimmy Fallon, right?

Another author
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