The happy couple

My family is growing.

Congratulations to my brother, Eric, and his fiance, Jentry.
They got engaged last night.
I wish them all the happiness in the world
and look forward to their wedding in March!

Still

The stomach flu is visiting our house, and so far it has claimed three family members as victims. I am among them. Last night I was writhing in bed. Everything hurt. My scalp throbbed. My fingernails ached. My throat burned from bile and dehydration.

Quite suddenly I had the distinct thought that this illness came to slow me down, to give me clarity. As I pondered what I might learn from this slowing down (the timing of which was most unwelcome), the Spirit whispered, "Be still, and know that I am God."

Be still.

I haven't taken much time to be still lately. I haven't pondered much, or prayed as earnestly, or searched the scriptures in the way that best serves my spirit. But in the hazy hours since last night's whispered words, I have experienced the peaceful reassurance that God knows my needs. He is ready and waiting to carry my burdens. He will answer my prayers.

Surely it is He that directed sweet friends to leave a plate of cookies on my porch last night.


Only He knows what this gesture means to me this Christmas season. It might be presumptuous of me to assume that our anonymous elves read this blog, but just in case, please accept my heartfelt gratitude for your sweet service.

This morning I read a statement by Marvin J Ashton, a leader in our church, from an article written in February 1994. His words only add to my reverent feelings today.

"Very often over the years, I have had peace and patience knowing that [God] is there and would not forsake me, even though some prayers seem unanswered. What a joy and strength it would be in all of our lives to have the childlike faith and complete trust to know that He is there and we can cry unto Him under all circumstances.

"Perhaps it would be good for our souls to build the understanding that He is there, even our loving and eternal Father, and that oftentimes, delays to our urgent pleas can be best for us. Who is to say it isn't more important to know He is there than to receive immediate answers?"

So today, in the aftermath of the stomach flu, I'm feeling grateful -- grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows my name, answers my prayers, and sends His little angels to leave cookies on my doorstep.

Friday night at the movies

It's Friday night, and early on the evening has all of the usual elements: Daddy working later than we want, hungry boys, no dinner plan, Gavin craziness, whining, and general mayhem. I'm almost ready to string kids up by their toenails and fly to Switzerland.

I employ numerous tactics to distract ornery boys while I prepare dinner. First they sort all the dirty laundry in the house to prepare it for washing. Then they shower. Then they set the table and empty the dishwasher. Finally the tacos are ready (yes, it takes that long with a sad baby on my hip), Daddy comes home, and at 7:00 we eat.

At one point three out of four kids are crying at the table. In a very scattered and disjointed way, Garry and I attempt conversation. Just as we are finishing dinner, I mention that I have repaired Russell the bear. Gavin runs to collect his beloved friend. I get the camera for an important "after" shot...and keep snapping.

Tyler is sporting moussed and sprayed hair after his shower. Zach shows off the elf ears he collected today while playing hooky from school and visiting Santa Claus at the mall. Lexi demonstrates her sweet sitting skills. Garry is being a good sport on the cold, hard floor.

Then the tide turns and somehow we are all laughing. I capture some delightful video, which is the perfect snapshot of our family life: loud and crazy and mostly revolving around Gavin. (Did I say that out loud? Oh wait; everyone knows that already.)

I also snap several dad-and-kids photos. The series makes me laugh. Gavin isn't the only kid that does wacky things as we attempt a nice group shot.


The pictures are mostly silly, but I love them.

And the kids.

And their dad.

Really, a lot.

Life is good.

Just today

Spilled:
Three boxes of cereal
One sugar bowl
One bag of rubber bands
One bag of chalk

Emptied:
One package of diaper wipes

Flushed:
One roll of toilet paper
16 peanut M&Ms
Two paper towels

Cut:
One brand-new sweater

Nearly cut:
One baby sister
One pink outfit

Broke:
One laptop control key

Decorated:
One piece of paper
One Amazon.com box
One sweater
Two hands
One cheek

Resisted:
Three diaper changes
One outfit
One coat (twice)
Two car-seat strap-ins
Two meals
One nap

Refused:
Two shoes

Lost:
One Mommy's mind

Saving the stuffed bear

Remember Russell? He is the beloved stuffed bear that Gavin calls a friend. Russell has been the comforting confidant of Gavin's toddlerhood. Rescued from a long-forgotten shelf about a year ago, Russell is now firmly entrenched in our family life.

Over the last several months, Russell has begun to come apart at the seams. I have sewn him up a number of times. I have lovingly washed him, removing stains and sticky bits of food and dirt. But lately, my efforts to keep him whole haven't been enough. The stitches keep coming undone, and while I was gone, Russell's arm fell off completely. It was tragic.


"Russell bwoken!" Gavin cried. Garry assured him that I could mend him when I returned. Now, as he walks by desk and sees Russell and his amputated arm, he says, "Russell bwoken. Mommy fix Russell. Mommy fix Russell soon." Mommy will try.

Enter Steve.

For Gavin's birthday, his great-grandma Terry sent him a new stuffed animal. She knew that Russell was ailing and thought Gavin might need a substitute soon. Gavin was immediately in love. Garry named him Steve.


Steve is soft and cuddly and just the right size. Gavin adores him. Steve is a good interim friend while Russell is out of commission, but Gavin can't wait until his best buddy returns. I guess I'd better stop blogging and start sewing. I might need a miracle!

Vacation

The last time I got a professional massage, my relaxation was so profound and complete that I did not want to move when it was over. I could hardly bring myself to disturb the peace and contentment I felt in that moment. I rested in the dim room and listened to the waterfall music as long as possible.

Eventually, I had to get up and return to real life. But a piece of my soul carried around the feeling of the massage, kind of like a child preserves a snowball in the freezer as a reminder of a fun snow day.

Today, I'm trying to remember the relaxation I found during my weekend in Mesa. Ah...it was glorious. I really didn't want it to end! The best part of my trip was being among friends -- those related to me and those kindred in spirit. Being in Mesa was so easy, so friendly, and so much fun! I haven't laughed so hard or so frequently in a long time.

I didn't take nearly as many pictures as I intended, but I have lots of delightful memories! Here's a breakdown based on the people involved.

Eric came to visit within 10 minutes of my 11:30 p.m. arrival on Wednesday night. He is hilarious and so full of energy. He loved playing with Lexi. He introduced me to his cute girlfriend. He showed me his newly-renovated house. He performed an enthusiastic rap at his ward's talent show. I enjoyed getting a glimpse into his life for a few days.



My parents also got some cuddle time with the little pixie. They treated me to lunch at Serranos and dinner at Costa Vida. They let me nap. They fed the masses and hosted a game night because I was in town. They sent me home with Christmas and "just because" presents. I really enjoyed their company and generosity!



Holly shared her computer with me. She played with my baby. She sang (beautifully) at a choir concert that may be the only one of hers that I'll ever attend. She made me laugh a lot, especially when she stuck a fuzzy mustache on the face of our favorite missionary. She let me tag along/live vicariously as she tried on dresses for Winter Formal. {Note: final selection not pictured.}



Pictures of these two girls comprise 75% of those I took this weekend. Olivia (Livy) is two months older than Lexi, and I couldn't get enough of them together! Spending time with Angie, Livy's mom/my sis, was one of the very best parts of the weekend. She generously shared her copious crafting supplies and made me laugh (hard) at every turn. I sure wish we were neighbors!



Chloe (Livy's big sister) kept me entertained whenever I had a spare moment. She makes me look forward to the years ahead with my own little girl. I only saw Devlin once, and he was sad that I didn't bring my boys along. Maybe next time! I didn't get pictures of Devlin's sisters, Eve and Iris, but I sure enjoyed seeing them (and their fun parents), too!



Another highlight was a park lunch with friends from high school. Thanks to Facebook, we arranged a meeting and had a fabulous time! I'm so glad that after all the years since our good old days at Mesa High, we can still laugh together and enjoy each other's company. Thanks for coming, everyone -- we'll have to do this again! (Chad, did you make it all the way down here to see your picture? I'm pretty long-winded today.)



My time in Mesa was much too short. I could easily have stayed another week (or ten)! Because Colorado Springs was experiencing severe weather, I wondered if my return travels might be a little adventurous. They were!

When Lexi and I arrived at the departure gate in Phoenix, I learned that my flight was oversold. The attendant was looking for three people whose travel to Denver was flexible. Since I had a three-hour layover in Denver before continuing to Colorado Springs, I volunteered to give up my seat and take a later flight. I got a seat on a direct flight from Phoenix to the Springs instead (plus a $200 airline voucher), which was lovely!

The new flight meant a new airline and a new terminal, so Lexi and I took a walk and then a bus ride and then another walk. We set up camp and ate dinner before going through security. With an hour until flight time, we waited in the security line. I handed the security official my ticket, which I had received from the previous airline after the switch. She indicated that it wasn't a boarding pass, and I had to have a boarding pass. I was frustrated at my oversight, but got out of line, found a kiosk, and printed a boarding pass. Then I got back in line.

When it was my turn again, the official told me that Lexi wasn't listed as an infant passenger on my ticket. I hadn't noticed this, either. This time I had to go downstairs to the ticket counter and get a boarding pass for her. When I arrived at the ticket counter, someone was waiting for me. She apologized for the problem, handled it quickly, and even escorted me back upstairs (while pushing my stroller) and through the employee line at security. This time I got through.

Then there was an hour-long flight delay. It turned out better than anticipated, though. At one point there was talk of a three-hour delay or possibly a flight cancellation! Lexi and I finally made it to Colorado Springs at 10:00 -- exactly the time we would have arrived if we had connected through Denver on the original flights. It was a very long day, but I was $200 richer at the end of it, so I can't complain! And Lexi was a gem as we waited and traveled.



Now we have survived our first day back at home. The boys enjoyed a fun and relaxed weekend with Dad. They bought and decorated a Christmas tree, so the house feels festive. The current temperature is -10 degrees (with windchill) and today is a snow day. Mesa feels really far away!

Watching the clock

Doesn't this picture make you smile?

It would if it was a picture of your childhood home.
It is mine, and I am smiling...
...because tomorrow night I will be there.

Tomorrow night
{and for the rest of the weekend}
I will enjoy
the delightful company of some of my favorite people
on this earth.

We will laugh and shop and eat
and probably not sleep enough
{but definitely sleep in}
and just enjoy each other.

Enjoy.

I hope to eat some Arizona oranges
and find a fancy dress with Holly
and check out Eric's new digs
and make some baby headbands
and see some high school friends
{friday. freestone. noon. you know you want to come.}
and bask in the glorious winter weather
while Colorado freezes.

The last couple of months
{years?}
have been....
hard.

And I am really, really, really
looking forward to a weekend of
refreshment and renewal and rejuvenation.

While I am gone,
the boys will be in good {Daddy} hands.
They won't miss me a bit.

Just 24 hours to go.

I can't wait!

In the absence of electronics

Yesterday afternoon, Tyler deleted every show in the DVR.

It was an accident, but it happened. Ty was goofing around with the remote and the recording menus and didn't appreciate what "delete all" meant. As catastrophes go, this wasn't a major one, but we did lose a large cue of children's programming and my collection of BYU Devotionals. I was frustrated. Tyler lost TV privileges for a couple of days.

And since Tyler also lost the magnet that opens the cabinet that houses the video game controllers, this form of electronic entertainment is no longer an option for him.

Today I steeled myself for a long and whiny afternoon with the kindergartner who was forced to exist without his beloved electronics. Instead, to my surprise, Tyler has busied himself with blocks and foam shapes, creating all kinds of patterns and contraptions. What a good boy!


It's amazing what can happen when he's not staring at a screen! I am delighted.

Gavin turns two

I used to think a good mother took her child to Kiddie Kandids at regular intervals for portrait sessions. She would have a spot on the living room wall with an ever-rotating 8x10 of each child to track his or her progress through childhood. The same could be said for family pictures.

In my life, this particular aspect of motherhood gets a solid Fail. I'm really good at the snapshot thing, and we've got pictures on the walls, but none of them are formal. I have never taken a child to Kiddie Kandids (or the equivalent), and my very favorite photo is the one from this shoot, where Tyler has a goofy face and Gavin isn't even looking at the camera.

So tonight, to mark Gavin's second birthday, I initiated a photo session in the bathtub. From this small venue, where the light was poor and clothes were absent (for the subject only), Gavin could not escape. He was in a great mood. He posed and he grinned and he splashed and he played. He was himself. And I celebrated.

I celebrated the boy that is inquisitive and sensitive. The boy that is rambunctious and mischievous. The boy that is smart and capable. The boy whose dimples and hugs melt my heart.









Earlier this morning, Gavin opened the many presents his generous relatives sent, plus the few I ordered from Amazon.com. He was delighted with them all. He kept saying, "More presents? Get more presents?" Once he ripped wrapping paper from a package and expressed his enthusiasm for the brown cardboard box. The things inside all the cardboard boxes kept him busy all day.





I left Gavin and Lexi with a friend and went to a hair appointment. (I won't always be able to get away with such behavior on my children's birthdays.) Lexi slept the entire time I was gone, so Gavin had one-on-one time with an adoring fan. Apparently he was delightful.

He rounded out the day with phone calls from grandparents, several renditions of the birthday song, a lovely nap, a spaghetti dinner, and brownies and ice cream for dessert.





I could dress Gavin up in a suit and a tie and [attempt to] make him sit in a wicker chair in front of a blue cloudy screen. If was was super lucky, the minimum-wage employee might be able to coax a smile out of my two-year-old so I could shell out 30 bucks for the 8x10 for my wall.

But I'm content that doing that really won't make me a better mother....and I like my spaghetti-faced little boy better than my suit-and-tie boy any day.

Pillow talk

An imagined conversation, sometime in the future...

Heidi: Honey?

Garry: Yes, dear?

Heidi: Remember that phase when three of our children didn't sleep through the night?

Garry: Ugh. Yes. It was horrible. Gavin was almost two. He was teething.

Heidi: And he would only tolerate you when he got up in the night.

Garry: I slept on the couch downstairs most nights so I could hear his screams before he woke the other boys. Some nights he got up 10 or 15 times.

Heidi: I know! Your poor back and neck....

Garry: But if I slept in bed, we didn't hear him in time. Then Tyler would bring Gavin upstairs because Gavin had woken up, turned on the light, and tried to get in bed with him.

Heidi: Tyler hated that. And then he couldn't go back to sleep. Ty often woke up on his own, having had a bad dream. He loved to get in bed next to me.

Garry: He knew I'd kick him out of our bed, so he always went to your side.

Heidi: I'm such a pushover when I'm trying to sleep -- anything for a few more minutes! But I finally made him sleep on the floor.

Garry: That's more comfortable than Gavin's bed. I swore I'd never spend another night wedged onto that hideous, cheap twin mattress, but night after night, there I was.

Heidi: I sure appreciated that -- it was better than having him in bed with us!

Garry: There was no sleep for either of us when that happened. What a joke. We needed protective headgear. We resorted to setting up the portable crib in our bedroom. It wasn't very helpful.

Heidi: As I recall, Lexi was teething during that time, too. Between teething and growing and rolling, the girl didn't sleep!

Garry: I was mostly oblivious. Too much going on downstairs.

Heidi: After sleeping through the night for a couple of months, suddenly she jumped back to three times a night -- 11:00, 2:00, and 5:00. It was easier to nurse her back to sleep. And she nursed like she hadn't eaten in a week. I was sure she'd be up three times a night until she was 10. It's a wonder she wasn't a fat baby with all those midnight snacks.

Garry: I remember I would often stumble up to bed just minutes before she would wake up. I would just get settled into my pillow and exchange a groggy greeting with you before you'd have to be up with her.

Heidi: I know -- not fair! And then I'd come back to bed after feeding her and not be able to sleep because of your snoring.

Garry: Sorry.

Heidi: It's OK. It's not your fault, but still pretty ironic that such a tired Mommy couldn't sleep.

Garry: Remember the time she screamed so loudly I could hear it over the movie I was watching downstairs, but you were so sound asleep that you didn't hear her through the bedroom wall?

Heidi: I must have been really tired that night. But the worst was our morning wake-up calls.

Garry: There's nothing like starting your day by having Gavin sneak into the bedroom and dump water all over your face.

Heidi: Or having him climb into our bed with pudding all over his hands.

Garry: Or finding him covered in marker.

Heidi: Or poop.

Garry: Inspecting the early-morning carnage was not my favorite job.

Heidi: No kidding. You never knew what you would find. And you usually missed Tyler's queries at unholy hours. At 5:30 a.m., he would perch three inches from my face and whisper my name until I mumbled something incoherent. He always wanted to know if he and Zach could play video games before breakfast. If I said no, he'd come back in every 15 minutes until I relented, or until it was breakfast time.

Garry: At least we could take turns sleeping in on the weekends.

Heidi: Sleeping in...how glorious.

Garry: I slept in more often than you did. You had the chance of a nap during the day.

Heidi: What? That's a good joke. Gavin and Lexi never napped at the same time, especially because Gavin mostly napped in the car.

Garry: We were so tired all the time.

Heidi: So, so tired.

Garry: But it wasn't forever.

Heidi: It sure seemed like forever.

Garry: Yeah, it did.

Heidi: And yet, somehow we survived.

Garry: Yep.

Heidi: Honey?

Garry: Yes, dear?

Heidi: I love you.

Garry: Love you, too, babe.