With a moo-moo here and a moo-moo there...

On Friday we saw some cows.

As the kids and I sat on the hay ride that toured a litte dairy farm in east Mesa, I realized that I used to do stuff like this all the time. Zachary and Tyler went on a million "field trips" when they were little. We had a zoo membership and passes to the children's museum, rode the light rail "just because," visited the coast, picked berries and apples and pumpkins, participated in play groups and babysitting swaps, and even did a school co-op one year. What happened?

Of the four kids, Gavin and Lexi had the best time. They were absolutely enthralled with the animals. As Lexi sat on the hay ride, she pumped her legs and waved her arms, pointing to the cows and babbling in very excited gibberish. Gavin sat quietly and stared. Clearly, this captured his interest!


We learned a lot about dairy farming and cows and milk. I had special compassion for the cows in the "maternity ward" who were due to deliver babies within the next ten days. I was a little disappointed not to see a baby calf during our visit.



After the hay ride, the kids enjoyed petting, brushing, feeding, and holding some farm animals.


Then we had ice cream make from milk collected on the farm. The Littles each had strawberry (boy was it yummy), while Zach, Tyler, and I enjoyed sugar cookie-flavored ice cream.


The tour guide (who was also the owner of the farm) cooled off the kids with the spray of a hose. The kids got soaked and the mist felt glorious. It was just what we needed before getting back in the car.


We enjoyed this little adventure because of my high school friend, Christa Johnson, who recently moved to Mesa, too. I didn't get any pictures of us together. Maybe next time!

For sale by agent

Today we hired a real estate agent to sell our house.

After deliberate and prayerful consideration, we know this is the right choice. We are at peace, even though our story does not yet have a happy ending.

It is very likely that by hiring an agent, we will lose every penny of equity we have in the house. It is very likely that we won't have enough money to move all of our belongings to Arizona and have enough left to put down on a new house. It is very likely that our family of six will move in with my parents until we can save enough for another down payment. It is very likely that the kids and I won't go back to Colorado, that the boys will attend school here in August, and that they will have to transfer schools when we eventually buy a house.

This isn't the way we thought things would happen. In fact, nearly everything has gone contrary to our plan. Making this move (or rather taking steps toward this move) has been a huge test of faith for us. On paper, none of this makes sense, and yet we are strengthened and comforted by the knowledge that we are doing what our Father in Heaven has asked of us. We don't understand why the way has been so hard, or why promised blessings have been delayed, but we know that in the end, things will work together for our good.

In January 1995, Dallin H. Oaks gave a BYU devotional address called "Adversity." Today I read the talk and highlighted several portions, including these phrases:

"The gift of moral agency empowers each of us to choose how we will act when we suffer adversity."

"Like the mortal life of which they are a part, adversities are temporary. What is permanent is what we become by the way we react to them."

"Our adversities can be the means of obtaining blessings unobtainable without them."

"I am sure that the skills and discipline and soul-power that result from overcoming the challenge of material shortages open the door for extraordinary blessings."

These statements give me courage when I am afraid of the unknown. They give me strength to face our financial challenges. They help me better understand how my current trials can be spiritually refining and lift me to a higher plane. These words help me see my struggles with new eyes and appreciate the blessings that are unfolding in spite of my unrealized expectations.

I think that one day I'll look back on this season of my life and marvel -- not only at the challenges, but at the growth and the blessings. Life is good.

Just add water

Recipe for Summer Fun:

4 kids in swimsuits.
Add water (any variety).
Bake at 110+ degrees for one hour.

Cool in shade or air conditioned room. Repeat.

Peace

Tonight Gavin wouldn't go to bed. Would NOT. I had to hold the door closed to keep him in his bedroom. It was tragic. Finally, after 30 minutes, he gave up the screaming routine and fell asleep. The entire household took a collective sigh of relief.

As I was standing outside his room, forehead pressed on the door jam, straining to grip the wiggling door knob, I pondered this difficult season of my life. It has offered lots of frustrating experiences. I often feel like I'm banging my fists on a closed door, screaming about wanting to get through. Sometimes life seems very much being like shut in a room I'd rather not be in at all.

But today, as I sat in the temple, I simultaneously felt two powerful things: an electrifying spirit and overwhelming peace. And I realized that I have been so focused on the doors that are closed that I haven't even noticed all of the windows that are opening all around me. Life may not lead down the path I expected or on the vehicle I planned to ride, but it is still going to be exciting and wonderful and beautiful -- and surely better than I ever expected.

My temple ponderings also included the lyrics to a lovely anthem by Horatio Spafford. I first heard it sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, but I also love this beautiful rendition. Learning about the composer's life and perspective touched my heart. I have to practice a lot, but I am learning to find peace in this tumultuous world. "It is well with my soul" tonight.

Happy 5th of July!

This year Independence Day coincided with the Sabbath. Since Monday was a vacation day for the working folk, we celebrated our freedom in this fantastic country a day late!

After Lexi's morning nap, the whole family gathered at David and Rachel's house to swim. Sadly, David and his family were in Utah, so we missed their company, but we sure enjoyed their pool! The cool water was lovely. We baked in the sun, despite prodigious use of sunscreen (SPF 50 for my kids). The boys had a ball with Eric (aka" the family spark plug") and Jentry and Holly, who had energy and open arms for the kids.


Tyler was either above the water (jumping in) or under the water (hunting diving sticks). He really wore himself out! Lexi cried most of the morning, so I got out with her to take these pictures. She has been a little out of sorts lately.


Granny grabbed pizza for everyone on the way home. I put my babies down for naps, and then the boys and I enjoyed several hands of Uno with Holly, Angie, Eric, and Jentry. Eventually I joined Gavin for a long nap.


Quite suddenly (for me!), it was time for dinner! My parents hosted a barbecue and debuted Dad's new grill. That's a manly grill - the perfect appliance for mass barbecuing!


Dad grilled for 19 that night. In addition to local family members, the Shaha family came. It's so fun for me to be with the Shahas again (since they moved from Colorado Springs in May), and I'm thrilled that our families are growing closer. We have a great time together!


Dinner itself was delicious, the company was fantastic, and we had lots of laughs. We were also entertained by Chloe's talents; she recited the Pledge of Allegiance and sang a song about the US Presidents and earned our wild applause. I love this photo of my cute sisters (and niece), and, as you can see, Lexi enjoyed every bite of her dinner.


After dinner (and dessert, of course), we ALL went to the Shahas' neighborhood pool for a lovely evening swim. What fun!

So happy together

On Saturday morning at 1:00 a.m., Zachary and Tyler returned from their 10-day trip to Nevada and Utah, delivered to us by Garry's cousins who live in Gilbert. They stumbled out of the car and straight into their beds while the adults unloaded luggage and other belongings that Garry sent for me from Colorado.

The next morning, Gavin and Lexi greeted their long-lost siblings with much enthusiasm. They continue to be thrilled that Zach and Ty are around again. Gavin, especially, has enjoyed the return of his playmates. Lexi keeps chanting, "Za! Za! Za!" She really missed her brothers!

I attempted to take a sibling photo to commemorate the occasion. All four had slept in their clothes from the day before, with Lexi looking the most disheveled after breakfast. This photo shows mostly smiles....


....while this one shows the real life that has resumed since then.


Zach and Tyler, who swam every day they were in Nevada and returned with bronzed skin, were eager for a dip in the pool. So even though David and Rachel are out of town, we enjoyed their lovely pool yesterday afternoon. Lexi stayed home with Granny to nap, and my sister Holly joined us. The cool water felt glorious on a hot day, although at 104 degrees, the heat was so much more bearable than the 114-degree weather we have endured for the last week! Ah, perspective...



Last night as I put the kids to bed, it was comforting to have all four under the same roof. And I was grateful that even in the absence of Daddy, the routine went smoothly and everyone was happy. It feels good to be together again.

Cousins

The Littles and I have done some fun things with their Mesa cousins during the last two weeks.

First up was a delightful lunch at David and Rachel's house. I enjoyed touring their new home (what fun paint!) and the kids played together pretty well. Devlin, the oldest cousin, was sad that Zach and Tyler were absent, but Eve and Iris were content with Gavin and Lexi as playmates. We feasted on Rachel's homemade bread, fresh fruit, and delicious cookies. David (my brother) was in the midst of fixing my dead computer. A couple of days later, Rachel baked another loaf of amazing bread just for me when I couldn't attend Sunday dinner because of Gavin's mystery illness.





On another day, my mom and I met my sister Angie and her girls to swim in a friend's neighborhood pool. What fun we had! We sat in the 18-inches-deep baby pool, which was covered with a shade from the sun, for a long time. Gavin and Chloe had a blast together. Lexi and Olivia splashed and played on the steps. Lexi was thrilled to be in the water. It was her first real swim. We rounded out the morning with take-out from Applebees back at Granny's house.




On Friday all of the cousins met at Granny's house (my hotel) for lunch and fun. I laughed at Lexi (13 months) and Livy (15 months), sitting in high chairs next to each other. They kept trading food. I think Livy ended up with Lexi's crackers and Lexi got Livy's popsicle!

Granny has a playroom where all the kids congregated. They need lots of supervision in order to play well together, but there sure are some fabulous toys!




When we broke out the popsicles after lunch, we couldn't resist taking a picture of the cute cousins in a row. Here we have Iris (21 months), Devlin (6), Gavin (2 1/2), Eve (4), and Chloe (4). It's a fun group! I love the photo of Iris and Gavin.



We are looking forward to the times when all nine cousins can be together at once, and also the times when we can do cousin play dates and get-togethers. I really love being in town with these people that I love -- hopefully for good!

Adventures with Granny

Granny planned an adventure for the Littles today. It started at the mall, which houses a glorious carousel for small people to ride. Gavin was completely thrilled when he saw it. "It SPINS!" He chose the elephant.

Lexi exceeded my expectations and was as excited about the ride as her big brother. She clapped and giggled. I love her expressions in these photos.

Our mall outing also included rented strollers (with steering wheels!), lunch, a visit to the pet store, and ice cream cones.

After naps, Granny filled up the little pool in the backyard. Gavin and Lexi donned their new swimsuits and jumped in. Granny and I put our feet in the cool water as the kids splashed and played. Gavin liked to dive in from the side and nearly submerge himself. He kept saying, "I'm under the sea!" He doesn't even know that's a reference to The Little Mermaid.

After dinner, Granny and I pushed the stroller around the neighborhood. Gavin and Lexi loved seeing all of the farm animals -- cows, horses, goats, sheep, chickens, and ducks. It was h-o-t, but the kids were enthralled.

Good times at Granny's house. Good times!

Old stomping grounds

This morning the Littles and I set out on a walk. I revisited a high school running route and was instantly transported back in time.

During the summer of 1993, when I was 14, I was training for a spot on the high school cross country team. I had survived an abysmal ninth-grade track season and was determined to leave the foibles and failures of junior high athletics behind me. So nearly every day I pounded the pavement, coaxing my body into shape. I ran and ran and ran and ran.

I ran past the homes full of kids that I babysat on the weekends. This house had the best food, this family paid the best, these kids drove me crazy. I ran past the home of the boy I liked, hoping he'd happen to look out his window as I sprinted by. I ran past the park where I played softball with the girls from church, past the home of the Young Women leader who always loaned me books to read. I ran past the home of my seminary teacher who later became a General Authority. I ran around eight neighborhood cul-de-sacs, trying to increase distance without really going anywhere. And I always (always) sprinted down El Moro, the last stretch of street before home.

In August that year I made the cross country team. In fact, I spent three years as a varsity runner for Mesa High. Those years cemented my love for running, and my happiest high school memories came from cross country. All of that began on the running route I retraced today.

This morning I walked through that neighborhood a different person. My figure is much rounder and softer and my mile time is roughly double what it was in 1993. I pushed two squirmy tow-heads in the stroller, managed drinks, and answered Gavin's endless questions. I thought fondly of my older boys who could have been zooming on scooters up ahead. Now I'm the mom paying a babysitter and wondering how I got so old.

Sometimes I long for the simple days (and size 4 figure) of my teenage self. But this life--here, today, right now--is pretty good, too.