Recap: The Happiness Project

Remember back in January when I started a Happiness Project based on Gretchen Rubin's book? I outlined categories of my life and goals that I thought might boost my happiness in 2012.  Because making check marks makes me happy, I used my favorite Excel spreadsheets to keep track of everything.  At the end of the year,  I think I am significantly happier than I was at the beginning.  Here's a brief rundown on how my project went, and what I learned along the way.

January: Improve Health

Meeting the goals I set for this month definitely increased my happiness. After a year of very poor health, making healthy choices made me feel fantastic. I loved exercising (no pun intended) control over one area of my life. The physical activity was a great boost to my mood. Eating better helped clear my mind. Having incremental success in the Couch-to-5k program strengthened my confidence as well.

February: Connect with Kids

During this month, I set out to develop more meaningful relationships with my kids. I don't naturally gravitate to board games and dress-ups and soccer, but in February I really tried harder to do those things. However, I achieved the most happiness as I prayed for each of my children every night. February was an especially hard month for me; depression had a wicked hold on me and I wasn't functioning very well. My January goals fell completely fell by the wayside, apart from keeping up with the 5k training a few days a week. But the times I did spend focusing outside of myself was very good for everyone in my family.

March: Aim Higher

March was a task-oriented month.  Instead of focusing on ideals and feelings, I put my energy into changing the silly little behaviors that bugged me.  I strove to floss and read church magazines and put away my laundry and tidy up the house every night.  It might speak to my shallow personality, but fixing those things (except flossing...not sure why I can't conquer that) really contributed to my happiness.  I also got back on the January bandwagon and continued to make conscious efforts to connect with my kids.  One March event that contributed to my happiness was rearranging the furniture upstairs.  That turned out to be a refreshing, functional change that continues to make me happy every day.

April: Embrace Imperfection

I threw out my original plan for April and focused on a recent read from Brene Brown: The Gifts of Imperfection.  Through her books and a depression seminar given by a lady in my stake, I was learning a lot about being more open and vulnerable, being kind to myself, and redirecting my thoughts and behaviors to positive things.  So in April I tried to implement some specific things that added to my happiness.  I also decided that I wasn't going to blog about my Happiness Project anymore.

May-August

During these months I focused a lot on reaching out to people, strengthening friendships, going outside my comfort zone, and trying new things.  I tried really hard to make a nice summer for my kids.  I took the Ordinary Courage online class and LOVED IT.  The things I was learning from Brene Brown and Jen Lemen about shame and vulnerability caused a paradigm shift that really helped me better understand myself and my relationships.  I spent a lot of time serving friends during the summer.  That made me feel good.  These things, combined with counseling and medication, really helped me feel like I was mentally turning a corner. That definitely contributed to my happiness.

September-December

These months were less goal oriented and more survival oriented.  My mental health nose-dived after school started, so much of my limited energy was thrown into correcting my deviating course.  The fall months were a challenge.  But I did continue to exercise nearly every day and make better food choices.  People started noticing my weight loss, and of course that was an emotional boost.  I reached my goal of completing a 10K. I really enjoyed my church callings as newsletter editor and choir pianist.  Both played to my strengths and brought great satisfaction. I still struggled socially but worked hard to continue implementing my goals to reach out and let people in.

So now, at the end of the year, I look back and see lots of growth and change.  The transformation is mostly in my brain.  My physical surroundings haven't changed much, my family structure is the same, finances are the same, friends are the same.  I still live far away from my family, I still have five crazy and busy kids, and my house is still perpetually messy.  But I think that viewing those things differently has been a huge part of my increased happiness this year.  I also learned that exercising is extremely beneficial for my mental health,which, in turn, makes our home climate much happier.  Three other things that greatly contribute to my happiness on an ongoing basis are scripture study, prayer, and temple attendance.  Those are pretty private, personal things, but a discussion about my happiness is not complete without at least mentioning them.

My Happiness Project didn't turn out exactly as I planned.  It wasn't as structured and organized as I imagined it would be in January.  But I'm very glad I started the process and became more mindful of the things that make me happier because, as we all know, if the mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

On my night stand

Yesterday my favorite UPS man dropped off two packages with my name on them.  Inside were two brand-new books, each released in the last week, and I can't wait to read them.

The first is Daring Greatly by Brene' Brown.  I devoured her first two books earlier this year and took her online class called Ordinary Courage in May and June.  {I'm a little obsessed.}  I am so excited to learn more about what Brown terms "wholehearted living" and embracing and sharing the real me.  I'll definitely read this one first.

Second on my list is Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin.  She also wrote The Happiness Project, which helped me a lot in my own search for happiness.  You might think that I abandoned my 2012 Happiness Project, but I didn't.  I just stopped blogging about it. Anyway, I look forward to seeing what new insights on a happy home life are available in this book.

Interestingly, Gretchen Rubin wrote an "advanced praise" accolade that was included in the front of Brene' Brown's book.  Both authors have definitely influenced my life this year, and their areas of research and expertise converge in a unique way for me.

And so I bid farewell (at least temporarily) to late night TV.  I will have better companions for a while.  But, unlike a flickering screen, they promise to keep me up long past my bed time.

The Happiness Project: April

I'm trying to be a little more on the ball this month.

My March resolutions went pretty well, except for the flossing.  I don't know why adding that to my routine is so hard.  Maybe because I can't wait to fall in bed at night and I don't want to do one more thing.  Maybe I should floss in the morning!  There's an idea.

I think that the evening tidy-up routine added to my happiness.  It mostly added to my happiness in the morning, when I didn't wake up to chaos.  On the mornings when I did wake up to chaos, I was definitely less happy.  Being more responsible with the clothes in my bedroom led to being more responsible with my laundry in general (i.e. not allowing "laundry day" to turn into "laundry three days") and to keeping my room tidier in general.  Are you noticing a theme here?  Tidy Heidi=Happy Heidi.  I have too much clutter in my head to cope well with clutter in my home environment.  But apparently clutter between my teeth doesn't matter.

I also read our Church magazines (Ensign and The Friend) cover to cover.  I read the April issues the day they arrived in the mail, but I'm still working on March.  Anyway, my favorite Ensign article was by Elder Bednar.  I loved his thoughts on grace and the Savior's atonement.  And every time I read The Friend I think about what a fantastic family resource it is!  I'm trying to think of ways to bribe encourage my children to read it.  Your thoughts?

For April resolutions, I'm not even going to look up my original plan, because I know I need to do something else.  Last week I read "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene' Brown and l.o.v.e.d it.  Brown's "guide to a wholehearted life" spoke to my soul.  Maybe its precepts are the steps to happiness that I have been looking for.   The very first paragraph of the book  embodies the idea that I want to shape the next month:

"Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.  It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.  It's going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging."

Beautiful, yes?

So, in an effort to apply some of Brown's "guideposts," here are my resolutions for April:

1.  Be kind to myself.  Redirect my inner critic.

2.  Practice gratitude, especially when I'm feeling vulnerable.

3.  Replace emotionally numbing behaviors (for me: TV and sugar) with more constructive activities.

4.  Practice positive affirmations (based on what I learned at General Conference).

If you haven't read anything by Brene' Brown, you're in for a treat.  For a dose of her work, enjoy this video.  Happy April!

The Happiness Project: March

I'm a little late to the party this month, but here we are in March and I have a new set of resolutions.

Shall we recap February first?  February was designed to be a month to connect with my kids.  I aimed to play on the floor with them, read to them, have one-on-one time with them, and pray for them.  I'll be honest: I wasn't stellar with the check marks.  February was actually a month of mostly feeling crappy and not getting enough sleep and just trying to survive.  However, I did look at my resolution chart every day, and I did get warm fuzzies when I spent quality time with my kids.  My February resolutions definitely made me more mindful of areas I need to work on, and I intend to continue with those goals until they become habits.

That said, my January resolutions have totally fallen by the wayside.  (Anyone who looks at me might guess that.)

Now on to March.  Happily, my prescription detox is going well, and on the heels of a happy family visit I am infused with more energy and enthusiasm for life than I have had in quite some time.  I feel better prepared to embrace my March theme of "Aim Higher."  I love this quote from Anthony Robbins, which I chose to complement the theme: "Most people have no idea of the giant capacity we can immediately command when we focus all our resources on mastering a single area of our lives."

Originally I made some resolutions designed to sharpen existing skills or fill in gaps I noticed in my life.  I selected goals based on notions of how others might view my habits and behaviors, rather than on what I thought might really help me be happier.  I have since modified the goals to reflect my own sense of happiness.  To that end, I have chosen to floss daily, read the Church magazines from cover to cover, hang up my clothes when I'm done with them, and observe an evening tidy-up routine.  I know my choices are a little random.  And I know a 32-year-old really ought to have learned to floss her teeth already.

So here's to a month of aiming higher.  After February, the only way is up.

The Happiness Project: February

I'm a little slow getting my February goals in gear, but better late than never, right?  This month's resolutions are well-timed.  As I am struggling to keep my chin above water, my family relationships are suffering.  It's a good time for Mommy boot camp.

This month's theme is "Connect with kids."  I chose a Louise Hay quote as a sub-theme: "I allow the playful child within me to emerge and have fun."  Yes, I'm a weirdo; having fun does not come naturally to me.  I'm also not the Mom who loves working puzzles and doing crafts and playing Chutes and Ladders.  This month I will work on that, especially with my preschoolers.

My kid-focused goals include: read out loud daily; play on the floor; cultivate a soothing, happy voice; pray for each child individually; praise success; make time for one-on-one.  Hopefully as these new habits become ingrained, we will all be happier!

January goals revisited

January is almost over.  Even though it's been a very long month at my house, I still shake my head in disbelief when I look at the calendar.  Time marches on!

I am very glad I set health-related goals for January.  Making better choices about diet and exercise has been a good way to kick-start the year.  Doing a separate fitness challenge was probably a mistake, because I feel lots more pressure than I would if I was relying on my internal motivation alone.  It's too much; I might bow out of that.  Live and learn!

Through this process, I have learned and/or remembered a few things about myself.

First, I am an "abstainer" rather than a "moderator."  It is SO much easier for me to cut dessert out completely than to eat it occasionally, or to have no ice cream at all than just a small serving.  On the flip side, exercising every single day (except Sunday, which I always take off) is lots easier than three days a week.  I'm an all-or-nothing girl.

Second, fruits and vegetables taste yummy and are very satisfying.  I love apples.

Third, I am rarely hungry.  If I only eat when I'm actually hungry, I don't eat nearly as often as I habitually wander into the kitchen.  And I'm not always hungry at traditional mealtimes, which is complicated, since I live with and am responsible to feed six other people.

Fourth, I am a very emotional eater.  The last two weeks have been really rough, and I'm sorry to say I abandoned my goals for a while in favor of old habits.  My empty resolution chart has haunted me, which hasn't helped my mood!  I keep telling myself that tomorrow is a new day...

Fifth, exercise makes me happy.  Endorphins coupled with the uplifting material I'm reading in the Ensign magazine (during my walking periods) can boost my mood significantly.  When I'm walking/jogging, good things click into place mentally and I feel empowered to do better in many areas of my life.  

So now, at the end of January, as I take account of my efforts to change, I think that overall it has been a successful month.  I'm glad I will continue with my health-related goals throughout the year.  It will take a long time to extinguish bad habits and solidify the good.  Because of my persistent ill health and imbalanced hormones, I haven't lost a single pound, my clothes feel exactly the same, and I haven't been able to change how I feel, but I don't think my January goals were a waste.  Onward and upward!

The Happiness Project

Happy New Year!

For people who know me well, it's probably not a huge surprise that I'm thrilled to start a new year.  Aside from the fact that 2011 was a very challenging year for my family and me, I've been longing for a fresh start.  The new year seems like the perfect time to work harder, aim higher, and do better.

Last fall I read a fun and inspiring book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  The author spent a year setting goals and trying new things in order to boost her personal happiness.  While I consider myself a reasonably happy person (and certainly I have many blessings that ought to inspire gratitude), I think that adopting a similar strategy could bless my life.  Gretchen's organized, thoughtful approach to goal-setting really appeals to my Type-A brain, so I'm going to give it a whirl.

During each month of 2012 I'll have a specific set of goals related to a theme in my life.  I haven't defined all of the details yet, but that will come in time.  My January theme is Improve Health.  This might seem pretty prosaic, but for the girl who has spent a year in state of poor health, it's a desperately needed resolution!  My current medication cocktail, which is intended to balance my hormones, mood, and energy, isn't yielding terrific results yet.  I am hoping that some efforts of my own might aid the cause.

My resolutions for the month include daily exercise (20 minutes to start), eliminating sweets and bedtime snacking, and eating 5 fruits and vegetables a day.  Sadly, these goals will require a significant change to my daily routine (dare I admit?), but hopefully after a month I'll have some solid habits that will pave the way to better health.  I definitely have some weight loss goals in mind, but the higher purpose is simply feeling better!  I'm ready to move beyond survival mode.

In February I will set new goals but still maintain my January efforts.  The project adds new resolutions each month, which should keep my momentum going throughout the year!  I'm really looking forward to this year of change and growth.